


If you need me (call me)

by mvltihart



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fix-It, Flip phones au, Hurt Tony Stark, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Civil War (Marvel), phone call au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-22
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 16:53:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 22,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23260525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mvltihart/pseuds/mvltihart
Summary: It’d been seven months since he stabbed his shield into the arc reactor. Seven months since he killed Tony.He opened his eyes.Without even realizing what he was doing, he pressed Tony’s contact on his burner phone.
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Comments: 44
Kudos: 321





	1. 7 months and 5 days

**Author's Note:**

> Hii! I’m so excited to finally present y’all this fic! I started writing this in September and finished it in January, so as you can tell I’m really invested in it.  
> Okay first I have to say that the first chapters are going to be pretty short as our boys are dumbasses and not very willing to talk.  
> Huuuge thanks to Sasha (@/legendstony on insta) for beta’ing this chapter, but also the whole fic. I couldn’t have done this without her help and support <3  
> I really hope you enjoy this and I’ll try to post the chapters as often as possible.

It’s been seven months. Seven months and five days.

Steve turned in his makeshift bed.

Seven months since he had last seen Tony.

His breathing was slowly turning erratic, his fingers were spasming.

Seven months since he fought with Tony in that bunker in Siberia.

He threw his ragged blanket onto the floor. It was too hot, too cold, he couldn’t breathe.

Seven months since he stabbed his shield into his arc reactor.

Seven months since he killed Tony.

He opened his eyes.

_No, that’s not right. Tony isn’t dead, he’s not. Or is he?_

The last time Steve saw him he was laying on the ground in that bunker, with a broken suit and a betrayed look on his face. 

_Had he even managed to leave Siberia? His suit was broken after all._

_Oh god, I left him there alone,_ he realized.

Steve tried to take deep breaths while looking at the ceiling. He chocked on thin air.

_He’s not dead. _

He would have known if he was. It would be all over the news. Although, he didn’t have much time to check news reports while on the run-

He’s dead. But no, he _can’t_ be.

_ He’s dead and it’s my fault. _

_I left him there to die._

_ I betrayed him, I never even told him I love him and now he’s dead.  _

_ He’s dead because of me. _

Steve’s mind was racing now.

He abruptly got up from his bed and ran to the bathroom to throw up in the toilet. After a couple of minutes spent looking at the toilet seat, he slowly got up and went to the sink to brush his teeth. 

He stared at his reflection in the mirror. 

_God, he looked pathetic._ His hair was a mess, his unkempt beard very prominent. At that moment, looking at his tear stained cheeks and red eyes, he realized he had been crying the whole time.

His hands were holding on to the sides of the sink so hard he heard a crack. He averted his gaze from the mirror and took a deep breath. 

Reluctantly, he walked back to his bed. He had made a mess, sheets untucked, blanket thrown onto the floor, his pillow was drenched with tears.

He sat on the side of the bed. Blindly, he reached for the bedside table and pulled out the burner phone. Without even realizing what he was doing, he pressed Tony’s contact.

The phone rang four times before someone picked up. 

Steve pressed the phone impossibly close to his ear. His enhanced hearing picked up a faint breathing. _Tony,_ his brain supplied.

No one said anything for a minute. 

Suddenly Tony broke the silence. “Cap?” he said carefully and even though it was 4 am, Steve was fairly sure he hadn’t woken him up, at least judging by his voice.

The second he heard his voice, his heart flooded with relief that Tony’s alive, but also panic, _what was he supposed to do now?_

“Rogers, are you there?” Tony continued impatiently. 

_Rogers_. That hurt deeply. 

Without really thinking about it, he hung up. 

_He’s alive, he’s okay._

Maybe he’s not, but he’s not dead. 

_That should be enough for now._


	2. 7 months and 28 days

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is also a small chapter (I’m sorry), but I was very excited to post again!
> 
> Fair warning: I tried to keep this unbiased, but I am on Tony’s side and it does show at some points on this fic (although I do try to keep it neutral, just wait and see)
> 
> Again big thanks to my girl Sasha (@/ legendstony on insta) for beta’ing this chapter <3

Seven months and twenty eight days. 

It’s been twenty three days since Steve’s mysterious phone call.

Tony was sitting alone in his workshop looking at that ridiculous phone he always happened to carry with him.

To be completely honest, Tony could kind of understand why the other man had called.

Many nights Tony was up wondering if Steve was even alive. He was longing to hear the blond’s voice again, for one last time.

He was surprised though; that Steve was the first to call. 

_If you need me_ , he had said, not _if I need you._

But he had called. _He needed me one way or another. Huh, who would’ve thought._

The days following that sudden call, it was the only thing on Tonys mind. 

_ Should I call him? Why would I? After all he has done to me. _

He felt a wave of disgust thinking about Steve’s betrayal. But truth to be told, he missed him like a lost limb. He wasn’t the same without the captain by his side.

_ Maybe he should just call him, they could make amends. But if Steve hadn’t wanted to negotiate back then, why would he want to now?  _

Flashbacks of their fight in Siberia hit him all at once. He took a shuddering breath to calm himself.

Two super soldiers tried to fight him. 

He knew he could have beaten them, but he was too panicked at the time. In the wrong mindset. 

He remembers analyzing Steve’s fighting patterns. 

He usually had everyone’s fighting style saved in the data of his suit. 

Almost everyones, but not Steve’s. _Because Steve would never attack me_ , he thought bitterly.

He huffed. _As if he would ever call._

With his mind made up, he threw the phone on the floor with force, that damn thing too sturdy to even crack. 

Dum-E rushed to pick it up.


	3. 8 months and 11 days

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst! But also they talk??
> 
> Big thanks to my fav person aka miss Sasha (@/legendstony on insta) for being the best beta ever.

Eight months and eleven days.  
  
It’s been eight months since Steve had last seen Tony’s soft brown eyes. 

_ God, he missed those eyes that glinted golden in the sunlight. _

Those sharp eyes that became so gentle when he talked about the people he loved. 

Those eyes that got an excited spark, when he was talking about his latest inventions.

The same eyes that glinted with fear when Steve raised his shield above him. 

That was the last emotion he remembered seeing in Tony’s eyes. His eyes were a picture of deep betrayal and sharp pain with a little fear of death.

He ached to meet the brunette again. To see those beautiful doe eyes one last time. To watch the wrinkles form around them when Tony genuinely laughed.

_ Oh, he would give anything to hear Tony’s rich laugh again.  _

He needed to make him laugh one last time. 

He _had_ to.

That’s why he happened to be on the balcony of a shady motel in the middle of nowhere in East Slovakia, clutching that small phone between his trembling hands.

He took a deep breath, opened the flip phone and dialed Tony’s number without thinking twice. 

It rung three times before someone picked up.

“Yes?” Tony’s voice sounded light, he was probably in a good mood. 

_That’s good, I’m happy when he’s happy_ , Steve thought.

“Tony? Is that you?” he said, but it came out the wrong way, like Steve was surprised the other man even bothered to accept the call.

“Yes, Rogers, who else could it be? It’s an ancient phone with literally only one contact, it‘s not hard to understand even for a relic like you.” he said venom filling his voice, his previously good mood completely gone.

“I-I’m sorry, I didn’t expect you to pick up. I-I mean I’m glad you did, but it’s morning in New York so I thought maybe you would be in a meeting.” he explained lamely. 

Tony hummed.

“So? Is there a reason for your phone call?” he said trying to sound harsh, but his voice had audibly softened. 

Steve smiled a little to himself.

“How’s your day going?” Steve said deliberately avoiding Tony’s question. 

The other man didn’t immediately answer. It seemed like he needed a minute to evaluate the point of Steve’s inquiry.

“Are you kidding me?” 

When the blond didn’t reply, he sighed.

“Oh, you know, board meetings and calls with the UN trying to fix the mess you left behind, _the usual_.” he said, sarcasm dripping from his voice.

“ _Tony..._ ” Steve said exasperatedly. 

“No, no, _you_ left. Then your little ragtag team left and now what? You thought everything would be fine and dandy? You are outlaws, you are superheroes turned to fucking criminals and I’m supposed to pick up the pieces after you left? I am the one left behind to negotiate with for the people who don’t deserve it?” he said harshly but Steve could hear the pain in his voice.

“We had the upper hand, you know, before. We were in a position where we could try our luck, help in picking the members of the international board. But now? After everything? We’re at their mercy. Now I have to fight tooth and nail just for the basic freedom in our actions.” he continued.

“I haven’t changed my mind about the accords, but-“ Steve started before Tony cut him off, 

“Oh trust me, I know your stubborn ass.”

Steve ignored Tony’s comment, though it did made him flush a little and continued. “- _but_ ” he said with emphasis “I should have listened to your side as well. But you signed the Accords without even telling us anything! How am I supposed to talk to you, when you’re not willing to even consider changing your mind?” Steve said accusingly.

Oh shit, he shouldn’t have said that. He ruined his chance. Tony would hung up and they would never talk again. 

_ Goddammit, Rogers, why did you have to say that? _

A minute of complete silence followed. Steve checked the screen of the phone to see if Tony had hung up. He hadn’t.

He heard a deep breath from the other side of the call.

“Says the one who left without a warning and ran after his buddy, who just happened to be a major criminal.” he said with a calm voice, but Steve could decipher the poison beneath it.

“It wasn’t like that.” the blond said softly.

Tony gave him time to elaborate. 

“First, I got the news that Peggy had passed away. I went on from there.” he continued.

Steve could feel something shifting in the air after the mention of Peggy.

“I know. I wish I had been there.” Tony said in a defeated voice. 

Steve frowned, _why would Tony want to be at Peggy’s funeral?_

After a moment the brunette continued “She was my aunt Peggy, you know. She had been close friends with Howard, so I basically grew up with her, too.” 

“I... I had no idea, Tony. I’m sorry.” Steve said honestly. 

He had never even considered the possibility that Tony knew Peggy personally. But it all made sense now.

A minute passed in a comfortable silence. The two men felt content listening to each others breathing, lost in their own thoughts.

“Hey Steve, are you ready to leave?” both men heard Natasha’s characteristic voice coming from inside the hotel room.

He could hear Tony taking a deep breath. “I think that’s your cue to leave.” he said quietly.

Steve hesitated for a moment. They talked. They finally talked and now who knows when it’s going to happen again? _If he hangs up now, he may never talk to Tony again-_

Steve took a shaky breath. “Yeah-Yes, you’re right. I just- The real reason I called you is because-“ another deep breath. “I really missed your voice, Tony.” his voice was audibly shaking, filled with emotion.

“ _Okay_.” the other man replied softly. 

Steve doesn’t think he’s ever heard Tony’s voice so gentle before. So, this ‘okay’ was enough for him.

“Oh by the way, have fun in Slovakia. I heard their women are one of a kind.” he said lightly. “And their men.” he added shortly after.

After a second of Steve’s stunned silence, Tony ended the call with an amused huff. He always loved leaving the Captain flustered.

The blond wasn’t even sure what he was more surprised about. 

Tony was a genius after all, hacking flip phones had to be a child’s play for him. But he knew, _he knew_ where Steve had been all this time. 

_Oh God even Wakanda, but he didn’t do anything about it. He could have arrested me, but he didn’t,_ he thought.

And then there was the ‘and men’ comment. The blond could feel the blush burning under his unkempt beard. _Did Tony say that as a joke? Did he know?_

_Well, that’s Tony Stark for you_ , he thought. _He can leave you speechless with just a few words._

With an amused laugh he walked back into the room.


	4. 8 months and 25 days

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I’m a little late, but here’s your daily dose of angst.  
> Thanks to my girl, sasha, for beta’ing <3

Eight months and twenty five days. It’s been four days since Vision was supposed to return to the compound.

Just because he is an AI doesn’t mean Tony can’t worry about him. 

He had just gone to see Wanda somewhere in Singapore. They probably lost track of time, wanted to enjoy more time together. 

That seemed like a likely scenario, but Tony always expected the worst outcome out of all the possibilities. 

So, naturally, his mind screamed that he was probably dead alongside the little witch. _They always died on him._

He was sitting on the couch in the communal room, but he couldn’t sense his surroundings.

He could only feel the flip phone he was clutching tightly in his hands.

He let his pride slip and called  him . 

The phone rang twice and suddenly a deep voice spoke up.

“Tony?” Steve said, voice rough. He had probably been sleeping.

“Hey, have you gotten any updates on the little Wanda-Vision expedition?” he asked, trying to keep his voice calm. He failed.

“Oh yeah, Wanda notified us like an hour ago saying that she will return soon. Says they forgot about time when they were together.” the blonde replied.

Tony could feel relief flooding his system, his shoulders finally slumping and his back hitting the couch cushion.

“Good, that’s good.” he said nonchalantly.

“You know he really misses her when they’re apart.” he continued. He wasn’t even sure he was talking about Wanda and Vision anymore.

Steve seemed to get on with the program, though.  “She really misses him, too.” he said far too softly.

After a couple of seconds, Tony snapped out of his gaze. “You know Rhodey and the kid tease him about it all the time. They say that if he starts crying, he’s going to electrocute himself.” Tony didn’t even bother explaining who _the Kid_ was.

He heard the other man chuckle softly. “I’m glad you have them, you know. I believe what I said it in that letter. The Avengers are _your_ family first and foremost.”

Tony let out a bitter laugh. “Oh come on. Cut the bullshit, Cap. My family? Which family exactly? Thor and Bruce are gone to god-knows-where. Nat suddenly decided to switch sides and went with you. Let’s do a headcount, shall we?” he said his voice sounding so cheeky it hurt. 

“You have Nat, Clint, Wanda, Sam, your dear friend Barnes and that giant man-person, Scott?? And I have my best friend, who became paralyzed because of this mess, a fifteen year old kid that visits once in a while and an AI who can’t stay away from his girlfriend for too long.

So, I ask again, Cap. _Which family?_ ” poison and pain coating his voice.

He could hear Steve’s erratic breathing. “I-I’m sorry, Tony. I didn’t even think about it.” his voice sounding thin.

“Of course you didn’t.” he replied bitterly.

“What about Pepper?” Steve almost whispered.

“We broke up. Decided she couldn’t handle my shitshow anymore. Can’t really blame her.” Tony replied his throat closing up. He tried to loosen his tie with trembling hands.

A minute of silence followed.

“I really wish you weren’t alone. I wish I were here for you.” the blond replied earnestly. “ _That I had been there for you.”_

Tony couldn’t handle it. He couldn’t deal with anything at that point. He drew a sharp breath and ended the call. He threw the phone between the cushions.


	5. 9 months and 13 days

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there! I’m sorry I took so long, but I’m really stressed these days. Again, disclaimer, I do have a bias towards Tony, so I am kinda supporting his side (at least when it comes to the whole secret thing).
> 
> Big thanks to sasha (@/legendstony on insta) for being an awesome beta <3

Nine months and thirteen days. It‘s been four hours since Steve tried to fall asleep.

But he couldn’t. His mind _just wouldn’t shut up._

He just needed some quiet. Some damn silence, so he could finally fall asleep.

But the thoughts kept dancing around in his mind, all the  _ what ifs _ , kept nagging him.

He took a good look at the alarm clock. Almost 6 am. _Great, another sleepless night_ , he thought grimly.

He hadn’t even realized that he had picked up the flip phone until he was looking at the screen, trying to reach the other line.

It rang two times. 

_Huh apparently Tony couldn’t sleep either_ , Steve thought and felt a pang of guilt, because he knew he was partly the reason why. 

_In how many of Tony’s nightmares did he star? Did Tony relive their fight in the bunkers in his dreams? Steve sure did_.

“Yes?” he heard Tony’s voice saying in a designated tone.

Steve put the phone close to his ear, so the others wouldn’t hear him. 

He was sharing a room with Sam and Nat, who had seemingly fallen asleep within an hour of their return from the mission.

“Would it have changed anything?” he whispered. “If I told you the truth before we got to that bunker.” 

He heard Tony inhale sharply. A moment of silence followed. 

After the genius had probably gathered his emotions, he replied sarcastically “Take a wild guess.”

Steve could feel tears forming in his eyes, his hand tightening around the phone. Deep down he had known that already, but hearing it from Tony; he felt like he couldn’t breath.

“Well, for once, I wouldn’t have tried to kill Barnes. Which I didn’t mean to do anyway. I just-“ he took a deep breath. “I couldn’t see straight. I was looking at him and the only thing I could think about was his hands on my mum’s neck.” 

Steve, though, could hear the regret in the other man’s voice. “I know you would have regretted it if you killed him.” he said gently. 

“I would thank you for stopping me but-“ he huffed bitterly “it was kind of your fault we were in that position in the first place.”

“I know.” Steve voice came out broken. “I do and I regret it every day. I should have told you. You deserved to know. I thought I was protecting you-“

“Cut the crap, Rogers.” Tony cut him off. “If you want to tell me the excuses you already wrote in that crappy apology of yours, then save it.” he said harshly. “Oh and for your information, I burned that letter.” _That was a lie._ They both knew it.

“I acted egotistically. I just wanted to keep both of you; I was afraid of your reaction. I just wanted to find Bucky and have us all live a peaceful life. But I know that’s too idealistic. I’m sorry, Tony. I know it doesn’t sound sincere and words don’t actually mean much, but I really am.” Steve said sincerely. He felt hot tears rolling down his cheeks.

Tony didn’t say anything for a moment. The blond could hear him taking shallow breaths.

“I regret my decision about not telling you the truth when I should have. I would readily make it up to you in any way you want, Tony. And I know you hated my letter, I’ve come to realize that it sounded less than an apology and more of a justification of my actions. But one thing to take from it, I really did mean it when I said that I’d be there when you need me. Say one word and I’ll appear. I would do anything for you, Tony.” he continued.

“Anything, unless your buddy Bucky needs you.” Tony’s voice sounded plain hurt at this point, scarred even.

“I thought I was your friend.” he said, his voice breaking.

Steve’s heart ached with Tony’s pain as if it were his own.

“You were.  You _are._ ” his voice was wet with emotion. “It’s just- Bucky is my only correlation to my past, my first real friend and I thought he had died. I had grieved for him, I had ached. But then I found out he’s alive? Well, that was a game changer. I would have done anything to get him back. As you would have done in my place if it were Rhodey. 

But I- I should shouldn’t have sacrificed our friendship. It was too dear to me and I made a horrid mistake. But I, also, couldn’t let you kill Bucky and then the only way was to follow him and find another place to stay.”

A harsh silence followed. Both men trying to recollect their emotions.

“Barnes seems like a pleasant guy.” Tony suddenly said, his voice light despite the previous heated conversation. 

_Maybe he accepted my apology,_ Steve thought and a ray of joy lit his heart. _Probably not_ , he corrected himself, _but maybe he’s trying to._

“At least when he’s not trying to murder people. But we all have our bad days.” he continued. Steve chuckled.  _ Oh he had missed Tony’s dry sense of humor. _

“He’s a really nice guy. Kind of reminds me of you. He was always the charmer. And had a great sense of humor, or so he believed.” the blond said in amusement.

“Don’t talk about him like he’s dead.” Tony said softly.

“Ugh it’s just- I know he’s not the same man he was before. It’s hard to get used to. I mean deep down it’s still him, but he isn’t the same man anymore. He’s still a good person, though. Has been through too much for one life time.” he replied.

“He’s not with you now, is he?” The brunette asked in a tone that suggested he already knew the answer.

“He’s in cryo. Didn’t want to hurt anybody else, he said.” The captain replied grimly.

Tony considered it for a moment. “Wakanda?” he asked. Steve didn’t even question how he knew, he just hummed in agreement.

The silence this time felt more companionable. 

He suddenly heard Sam stir, he had started waking up.

“Look Tony, I really have to go ‘cause the team’s waking up. But I am very glad I talked to you.” his voice turned soft at that last sentence.

Tony didn’t say anything for a second. It felt like he was trying to pick his words wisely. Then he huffed like he gave up.

“I am too, Cap.” he finally said and ended the call.

Sam did wake up a couple of seconds later. Natasha had been awake for the last half hour, but Steve didn’t need to know that.


	6. 9 months and 24 days

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi my quarantined fellas, I hope y’all are doing great! These chapters are more then resolving their issues than anything, because I wanna base their relationship on trust and honesty yk?  
> Big thank you as always to my wonderful beta Sasha (@/legendstony on insta)

Nine months and twenty four days. Five minutes since Tony had gotten back home.  
  
He was in a really good mood. He hadn’t been this happy in... well, a really long time.  
  
So, it came to him as the most natural thing in the world, while he waited in the elevator, to take out the burner phone and call Steve.  
  
It hardly rang twice.  
  
“Tony?” Steve asked, a little warily at first.  
  
“The kid came to visit today.” The genius said without even greeting the other man, joy clear in his voice.  
  
Steve chuckled in amusement. “The spider... kid?”  
  
“Spider- _man_.” Tony corrected, but the fondness in his voice was prominent.  
  
“He’s a teenager, you know. So, he thought it would be better to continue school as a normal kid; at least _someone’s_ responsible. Anyway, he came over today to check out the new compound. Did I tell you I’m making a new compound? It’s really nice. So, I showed the kid around and he was so fascinated. Then I took him up my lab and I swear to God, that kid’s a genius. He even helped me to solve a problem with Widow’s bites!” he started rambling.  
  
“Tony, that sounds wonderful.” Steve said softly.  
  
“Yeah and afterwards he came to my place and we watched a movie. Well, to be specific _movies_ , not one. Like, we had a marathon. Rewatched all the Star Wars movies ‘cause he hadn‘t seen the prequels. I know, that‘s unacceptable! Even _you_ have watched them. Well, I made you watch them. But you said you enjoyed them!” he continued rambling happily.  
  
Steve let out a soft laugh. “I really did.”  
  
“God, I miss those movies nights.” he continued without giving it much thought.  
  
Surprisingly Tony replied with a soft “Me too.”  
  
“I always preferred the futuristic ones, you know. Like Star Wars, Star Trek. I love seeing people imagining what the future, what other galaxies would be like. It never fails to fascinate me.” the blond said enthusiastically.  
  
Tony walked around his apartment, headed to the living room and sat down on the couch.  
  
“And you still haven’t seen half of it. There are countless movies about space these days. Gravity, After, Interstellar, so many choices. Although to be honest, the alien ones don’t really appeal to me anymore. After, you know, seeing actual aliens.” the genius huffed out an awkward laugh.  
  
“Do you still get nightmares about this? About what you saw in the wormhole? I know you used to.” Steve asked carefully.  
  
“Sometimes, yes. But not that often anymore. I have other things to be scared of at night now.” the other man replied. He knew he wasn’t playing fair, but he wanted to be honest with Steve.  
  
“How often do you have nightmares about me? About the fight?” the captain whispered.  
  
“Often enough.” Tony croaked out.  
  
“I get nightmares that I accidentally killed you.You know, when I hit your arc reactor with my shield. That you are dead and it’s all my fault. That your blood is on my hands. I killed you. I did that. I-“ Tony could hear Steve clearly hyperventilating.  
  
“Hey hey calm down, big guy. I’m alive and I’m okay. You didn’t kill me. I’m okay.” he said placatingly.  
  
“But you’re not. You’re not okay.” His voice sounded wet with tears.  
  
“Then I will be.” Tony said softly.  
  
“You know, I still dream about Afghanistan. I know, it’s been a long time, but everything still feels so fresh, like it happened a week ago.” he continued.  
  
“I get the feeling.” Steve huffed softly. He seemed to have calmed down.  
  
“Sometimes, I wake up and I think _‘oh this was all a fucked up dream’_ and I just feel so sure I’m still in the 40s, it burns like acid when I realize I’m not. I’m not ungrateful, I’m really not. It’s just- Everything was so much simpler back then. Or... maybe it wasn’t. But we only had one goal in our minds; ‘to end the war’ and now... now everything’s more complicated.” he continued with a sigh.  
  
Tony didn’t say anything. He felt like Steve wasn’t really done yet.  
  
“That’s-that’s why i don’t really like movies about the war, the past. The melancholy comes back to me at full force. You know, Sam helps me with this kind of stuff, being a PTSD counselor and everything. But, to be honest, I preferred when my therapy was watching space movies with you on the communal floor.” he whispered that last phrase.  
  
Tony felt a little brave when he said “Well, you never know, maybe we’ll do that again someday. Better than any kind of therapy.” His good mood prevailed after all.  
  
“Yeah...” Steve said softly but the brunette could hear the giddiness in his voice.  
  
That exact moment FRIDAY announced Pepper was heading to his floor.  
  
“Ugh, I gotta go. Pep’s coming for a visit and- ugh... we haven’t really talked, you know, heart to heart and that middle school crap, since the break up.”  
  
“It’s okay, I get it. I‘m glad you called, Tony.” the blond said with his smooth voice and the genius ended the call.  
  
He felt bad for hanging up so abruptly, but something told him he would hear from the captain again, anyway.


	7. 10 months and 1 day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Backstreets back!! I’m sorry for taking a whole year to post again but 2020 was a pretty hard year:’) Anyways, I thought it was sad I had completed this fic and never posted it and tbh I’m kind of proud of it so here we are! Big thank you to Rue for helping me with the science talk, ily<3  
> TW: description of wounds and blood

Ten months and a day. Five hours since Steve had been shot.  
  
He carefully sat down on the scrappy couch and placed the tools on the cushion beside him.  
  
He didn’t have a scalpel, but he figured a knife and Nat’s tweezers would do.  
  
He took a deep breath and slowly zipped down the top part of his uniform. He swiftly located the wound, which, even though it had almost completely healed, was still red.  
  
He looked around to make sure everyone else was out of sight and then picked up the pocket knife.  
  
Slowly, he cut his flesh open at the place he assumed the bullet was located.  
  
He hissed in pain.  
  
Steve may be a super soldier, but that doesn’t make him invincible.  
  
He somehow needed to get his mind off the matter at hand, so he placed the knife down and dug out the flip phone out of his pant pocket.  
  
He pressed ‘Call’ on the only contact available and placed the old phone on top of the cushion next to his head.  
  
While the call connected, he picked up the pocket knife again and went back to work.  
  
“Morning Cap, enjoying Latvia?” a cheery voice came up.  
  
At this point, Steve was used to Tony knowing his location at all times. It secretly made him feel a little safer, in case things took an ugly turn.  
  
“You would actually call 4 am ‘morning’? Wow Tony, that’s some character development right there.” he replied wittily.  
  
“Oh captain sasspants is back.” Tony chuckled.  
  
His laugh cut off abruptly when he heard Steve hiss in pain.  
  
At that point, the blond was using the tweeters to dig around in his flesh. He started becoming frustrated, the bullet was nowhere to be found.  
  
“St-captain... is everything okay?” the genius asked carefully.  
  
“Yeah everything’s fine.” Steve gritted through his teeth, the tweezers hitting a particularly sensitive spot.  
  
“Are you hurt? What’s going on? Are you in a battlefield right now? Oh my god did you call me during a gun fight? How can I help? I can send you whichever medical specialist you need.” Tony started blabbing.  
  
Steve smiled softly even though the other man couldn’t see him.  
  
“Tony..” he started placatingly. “I’m not in a gun fight right now, I don’t need a doctor and I’m mostly fine. I just have been shot.” he probably shouldn’t have said it that casually.  
  
“Shot??? And you’re still in pain? How is that possible? Has it been long since the fight? What about the serum? It’s supposed to take care of pain like this, I’ll have a word with Erskine when I seen him in the afterlife.”  
  
Steve huffed in amusement, which also caused him to hiss in pain.  
  
“The bullet is still in and the flesh healed around it. I just have to dig it out and-“  
  
“Do the others know you are injured? I’m sure they can help.” Tony cut in.  
  
“Look, it was a hard mission and everyone is tired. Natasha knows I got shot, but I told her the bullet was out. There’s no need to bother anyone right now. I’ve done worse things than remove a bullet.” Steve sighed, exhaustion clear in his voice.  
  
“Then why did you call me?” the genius, true to his title, asked pointedly.  
  
“I-I just need a distraction. I’m sorry if I bothered you, I shouldn’t have-“  
  
“Nonsense, I didn’t have anything better to do anyway.” Tony said.  
  
“Why do I feel you left a meeting to take the call?” Steve remarked while picking the knife up and making his wound a little deeper.  
  
He clenched his jaw hard, but if Tony noticed, he decided not to comment on it.  
  
“God, you know me so well.” he replied with an underlying tone of amusement. “Now... ugh for the distraction part, what do you want to talk about?”  
  
“Any-anything” Steve managed to rasp out. “Anything you want. I always loved listening to you talk.”  
  
That seemed to flip the switch, because the brunette immediately started blabbing.  
  
“Okay, so yesterday the kid invited me to his physics presentation. Have I ever told you that this kid’s a genius? He really is. He might even be able to compete with my intelligence, who knows. So, his presentation about strong nuclear force was obviously impeccable and everything went smoothly until the time for questions came.  
  
There was this idiot, who for some reason decided he was smart enough to go to a physics event and had the audacity to disagree with Pe-the Kid’s point. He said that gravitational force was stronger than nuclear? Can you even believe it? His argument was that no creature can disobey the laws of gravity. Ridiculous, right?  
  
And of course, the kid explained to that doofus that the relative strength of nuclear force is 10^38, while the relative strength of gravitational force is only like one. And he knew nothing, nothing I repeat, about fusion and fission!”  
  
Steve had removed the bullet at that point in time and was patching up the wounded skin with two stitches. He didn’t even really need them, as it would heal fast enough, but he wanted Tony to keep talking for as long as possible.  
  
“And the kid later told me the other guy didn’t even study science! So, the kid told him that when friction occurs, the force is tangential to the surface of the body, which is constant and it’s the opposite of the direction of the motion of a body, but he wouldn’t listen! And like I could see the kid worrying, even though we all knew the other guy was wrong.  
  
So, to calm him down I took him to that ice cream place he was nagging me about. That was fun. He told me about that girl, Michelle, he has a major crush on. I mean he won’t admit it but he’s definitely whipped for her.”  
  
By the time Tony stopped talking, Steve had already taken care of his wound and had his eyes closed and his head resting on the cushion, just listening to the genius talk.  
  
Even though his side still hurt from the gunshot, just listening to Tony’s excited voice, made him feel content.  
  
He hadn’t even realized the brunette had stopped talking for a while now.  
  
“Cap? You okay there?” Tony finally asked.  
  
“Yeah, everything’s fine.” Steve said while trying to stifle his yawn.  
  
“I think you should better get some rest now.” Tony said softly.  
  
The blond really didn’t want to hang up. Getting the other man to talk so freely to him wasn’t an every day occurrence. But he had been running on 3 hours of sleep the last five days, which wasn’t healthy, even for a super soldier, so maybe he did need to get some rest.  
  
“You should go to sleep too, you know. You can go to your workshop tomorrow.” he replied.  
  
“How did you know I was going there?” Tony said.  
  
“Well, were you?”  
  
“Maybe.”  
  
“I’ll take that as a yes. I bet you’re standing in front of the elevator right now.”  
  
“You know me so well.” he replied but his voice had a sort of gentleness to it. “Now, go get your beauty sleep.”  
  
“Goodnight Tony.” Steve replied gently and heard the other man hang up the phone.  
  
He didn’t even bother to move from his spot on the couch nor did he open his eyes. He fell asleep with his mind repeating Tony’s intelligent rambling. He may have not understood much, but the excitement painting the brunette’s voice was enough to set him to a gentle sleep.  
  
If Sam noticed the open flip phone next to Steve’s head when he found him in the morning, he didn’t mention it.


	8. 10 months and 9 days

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter cause you deserve it<3  
> Bad joke ahead! (I cringe so hard, I’m sorry in advance)

Ten months and nine days. Thirty six minutes since Tony began staring at Steve’s location in his lab.  
  
As if hit by lightning, he suddenly left his previous spot on the stool and paced back and forth for a few minutes.  
  
He abruptly stopped and said “FRIDAY, be a dear and close up the coordinates. Delete all the data of the location research.”   
  
FRIDAY probably replied with a witty comment telling him to stop being a mother hen and stop checking the location every day, but he paid her no mind.   
  
He had already pressed the contact on his flip phone and waited for the call to connect.  
  
Suddenly he panicked. _What was he supposed to say?_ He hadn’t exactly thought it through.   
  
He started pacing again, so trapped in his own thoughts he hadn’t even noticed that the called had connected.  
  
“Tony? Hello? Is anyone there?” the blond called out from the other end of the line.  
  
“Is everything okay?” he continued warily and that seemed to grab Tony‘s attention.  
  
“Ugh, hey Cap.” he said trying to hide his awkwardness, but audibly failing.  
  
“Ah, hey Tony, it’s good to hear your voice.” Steve said with a certain gentleness that made the genius forget all about his previous worries.  
  
That was the thing with Steve, he always managed to make him feel a little more like himself, no masks needed.  
  
“Everything’s okay, stop worrying, you mother hen.” he said jokingly and heard the blond huff in amusement.   
  
“I was just wondering... do you ever miss your mum?” Tony continued.  
  
Even though the question came out of the blue, Steve didn’t comment on it.  
  
“Every day. You see, my ma died in the 30s, so there should have been plenty of time for me to heal, but in reality it only feels like a little more than a decade has passed. I can’t say I really see things around that remind me of her, the world has changed a little too much on that front.   
  
But it’s her manners. You see, I got all my, as you would call them, _noble_ manners from her and sometimes I will do or say something and just get reminded that she used to act that way as well.” the captain replied with the fondness of an old memory.  
  
After a second he added “Do _you_?”  
  
Tony huffed. “My mum and I always had a weird relationship. I loved her to death, don’t get me wrong, but she wouldn’t have won the ’mother of the year award’. You see, she became a mother pretty young and definitely wasn’t prepared for it. She was used to attending galas and she had her own charity events to organize, but she did try to be there for me. She just didn’t always succeed.   
  
But the times we spent together are... some of my fondest memories. She would teach me how to play the piano and dance around in the living room with me. She would let me show her my robots, even though she didn’t really understand much of that technology. She and Jarvis would teach me how to cook.”  
  
“You mean the human Jarvis, right? You named your AI after him.” Steve said, stating the obvious.  
  
“He meant a lot to you, didn’t he?” he continued without specifying if he meant the man or the AI.  
  
“Both of them did.” Tony said answering his unasked question.  
  
“Well, the actual Jarvis was my only friend while growing up. He and his wife, Ana, who died from cancer at an early age. Jarvis always tried to protect me from Howard’s rage and snippy comments. He would look at my creations, when my father refused to and he was actually fascinated with them. You have no idea how much courage his positive feedback would always give me. He made me feel special, but at the same time not so different from other kids my age.“ Tony said and felt his throating restricting with the emotion.  
  
“And what about the other JARVIS?” Steve asked softly after a quiet while.  
  
The genius took a deep breath. “I didn’t make him to replace the actual Jarvis, no one could do that. But there was no one in my life that had helped me and supported me more than Jarvis had. And he was always honest with me, even if that meant giving me bad news. _Oh_ and his sarcastic comments and that dry humor. _God_ , I knew I needed to keep his legacy alive somehow.  
  
But then, Vision was created and, don’t get me wrong I like the guy, but the last part of JARVIS died with him. And I won‘t lie, that broke me a little. Because even as an AI, JARVIS took good care of me. And now, the last piece of the real Jarvis is gone.” Tony said in a grim voice. He felt the distant need to throw up.  
  
“I’m so sorry, Tony. I’ve never thought of the impact losing JARVIS had to have on you. I was too narrow minded at the time. I only knew how to blame you for Ultron, for Vision and didn’t even think what you lost in the process.”  
  
“It’s okay.” the engineer said and was surprised to know he actually meant it.  
  
“If you had the chance to save JARVIS, would you have done it?” the other man asked.  
  
“I would give anything to bring either of them back.” he replied truthfully.  
  
“That was basically the case with Bucky and I. I know, the variables were totally different and I made many mistakes, but knowing he was alive and I could save him? I would do anything to help him.” Steve said with a gentle tone.  
  
His words didn’t really sting Tony this time, which was actually surprising.  
  
“I know.” he said softly.  
  
None of them spoke for a moment.   
  
The captain was the first one to break the silence.  
  
“How come you thought of your mother? I mean, did anything happen?” he wondered.  
  
“Well, you won’t believe it, but a pretty blond I know happens to be camping in the outskirts of Sirmione.” Tony admitted.  
  
Steve hummed and let him continue.  
  
“My mum was Italian. Her maiden name was Carbonelli and she used to live with her family in Sirmione. She has a beautiful mansion there. Well, I suppose it’s mine now, although I’ve never visited it after her death.” he finally said.  
  
“Did you come here often as a kid?”  
  
“Usually once every summer, ‘till I turned 15 and started MIT. I used to meet up with my cousins and play around the village. The natives say it’s enchanted.”   
  
“I’ve been here for three days and I can attest it really is magical.” Steve said and Tony bet he looked around at the scenery at that moment.  
  
“I’ve travelled to one too many places, but Italy has to be my favorite. Maybe I’m sentimental like that.” the genius admitted.  
  
“I travelled around Europe during the 40s and even though I’ve seen a couple of countries, nothing can compare to the feeling I get when I’m here. It’s like you travel to another time.” the blond agreed.  
  
“Well, you should definitely try the local dishes. Get yourself a pizza. Or maybe some Italian sausage.” Tony teased and expected Steve to blush furiously and say ‘Tony’ in a stern voice.  
  
But instead he said “If I remember correctly, you’re half Italian, so maybe you can help me with that last one.”   
  
Tony’s brain needed a second to process that Steve had teased back. Steve, Captain America, Miss Congeniality had actually flirted.  
  
“Maybe I will, if you ask nicely.” he said smugly and knew that now Steve definitely blushed, if he hadn’t before already.  
  
“You’re such a tease.” the blond huffed in amusement at last.  
  
A second later he added “Sam is calling my name from our camping site. Can I go or will you not be able to last a second without me?”   
  
“I think I’ll manage, honeypot.” he chuckled and ended the call.  
  
 _Why did he even say the nickname? And why did it come so naturally to him?_ Tony fretted.  
  
 _Does it really matter?_ he wondered at last and went back to his work with a soft smile on his face.


	9. 10 months and 17 days

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! The chapters from now and on are not beta’d (though I’d gladly accept anyone’s help). This chapter is dedicated to Erika who helped me with her superb French knowledge<3

Ten months and seventeen days. Three hours since Steve had arrived in France.

The mission would begin at midnight. They were going to check a warehouse that was supposedly a secret Hydra location.

It was early in the afternoon. Steve laid on the grass under the rays of sun that made his blonde hair seem golden.

The others were inside the small cabin they had occupied. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, smelling the beauty of wild grass, soaked from the sun heat.

He thought back to his interactions with Tony. He didn’t want to be too hopeful, afraid he might get crushed afterwards, but he thought that maybe the other man had forgiven him. At least he didn’t sound mad anymore.

And then perhaps, there is hope for something more. He is aware of his feelings for the other man, but he’s not exactly sure they’re reciprocated. Although from their last call, he did get the feeling that Tony might feel something. _Anything_ , he hoped.

Their talks had been going so well, it felt like a dream. With Tony, he didn’t feel like he had to think before talking, everything felt so natural.

But deep down there was that fear that he might mess everything up and lose him again. _God he couldn’t bear to lose Tony again_ , he thought and his heart clenched. _No, he wouldn’t let that happen._

Without even opening his eyes, he reached for the burner phone that always occupied his pocket.

_He has to talk to Tony about that thing that has been bugging him for a few days anyway,_ he thought.

It would be around noon in New York, so at least the genius wouldn’t be sleeping. He was probably in his workshop, or in his office, _if Pepper had made him go there,_ he thought and chuckled.

With automatic moves he opened the phone, clicked on the contact, put the old device against his ear and waited.

It cut off in the middle of the second ring.

“Bonjour, captain. Aimes-tu la France?” he said with a trained French accent. His parents probably made him learn the language considering SI did international business.

“Ça me plairait plus si tu étais là.” he replied knowing it was a bold move. But maybe, it was time to give Tony a hint.

“Well, I do make every place more enjoyable. They actually say my company is golden.” the other man replied smoothly.

“Hmmm your company is many things, but golden ain’t one of them.”

“Then I obviously haven’t spent enough time with you.” he says teasingly, but Steve feels a little pang of longing and hope against his chest.

“Well, there’s always next time.”

“You sound hopeful.”

“Shouldn’t I be?”

“Hmm isn’t that the million dollar question?” Tony replied and _at least it wasn’t a ‘no’_. It looked like the genius didn’t want to admit he had this kind of hope as well.

But the engineer’s rhetorical question did give him the chance to talk about a quite more important issue.

“Actually- You know which is the real million dollar question? How BARF equipment and researches have been magically sent to Wakanda?”

“Oh?” Tony says, clearly surprised, but also feigning ignorance.

“Yeah, king T’challa called me three days ago. Said an anonymous donor sent them a piece of very expensive BARF technology with a recommendation to be used on a certain super-soldier that happens to be residing there. Do you happen to know anything about it?” he said with a pointed tone.

“Not really, no.” the other man replied innocently.

“Really? ‘Cause I remember a certain genius making and presenting that certain project.”

“Maybe it was Quentin Beck. Heard he had taken part in that project as well, before he was fired.” Tony continued his shtick.

“ _Tony_.” Steve said sternly.

“Well, it’s better than freezing his ass, because of his stubbornness! This way, he can slowly adjust and start gaining back not only his memories, but also the control to his mind. It works really well combined with Wakanda’s advanced technology. God, princess Shuri is a literal genius. Anyway, I also need measurements of his arm, so I can make him a new one. If you don’t have them, I’ll ask T’challa don’t worry. I-“ the genius immediately starts rambling.

“Tony.” Steve cuts him off. “Why are you doing all of this?”

“‘Cause he’s important to you.” _Therefore he’s important to me too_ , goes unsaid.

“And he’s been through a lot. Trying to forgive him has been hell, but at least I recognize that the things he did, they weren’t his fault. None of it were. So, the least I can do is help him in my own scientific way. I’ll leave the emotional stuff to you, Cap.”

He could feel tears swelling behind his closed eyelids. He did all of this for Bucky. Bucky who killed his parents. Bucky who has gone through so much pain his voice is permanently rough from screaming.

If he wasn’t sure he is in love with Tony before, he definitely is now.

“Thank you.” he said with a voice drowned in emotion, but felt like Tony understood him anyway.

“Anyway, how’s the rest of the rascals? Nat, Sam uhhh... Clont, Wendy and Godzilla?” Tony said deliberately trying to change the subject. Steve let him.

“Ha ha very funny, Tony.” the blond replied.

Then after a second, “Are you really mad at them?”

The genius sighed. “Not at Natasha or Sam.”

“Why not?”

“Well, I should be mad at Natasha ‘cause she did betray me, but then I’d find more reasons to be angry at her, like her assessment while I was dying. But that wouldn’t be fair. Because she has done so much for me and has been overall a good friend. And even now, I know she had a good reason to change sides. She never wanted us to fight, she tried to be the mediator.”

Steve hummed in agreement.

“And Sam... he’s a good guy. He blames himself for what happened to Rhodey and he really wanted to make amends.”

“You gave Rhodes his number.” The blond stated.

“I did.” the other man confirmed. “Rhodey actually wanted to talk to him. He believes Sam shouldn’t feel guilty for something he didn’t do. And something tells me that now they talk more often than they let us know.”

After Steve was satisfied with the answers he got, he said “They’re both doing pretty well. Natasha even changed her hair. She told me to change mine as well, but I’d rather stay blond.” he chuckled fondly.

He heard Tony muttering “Thank God.” under his breath and blushed.

“So, what about the others? Are you actually angry at Scott? The giant guy?” he continued.

“Hmm.. not really, I don’t even know who he is. Although he did say something about not trusting Starks? But that isn’t anything new. Is he with you, right now?”

“Scott is a good guy, neither bark nor bite. But no, he has a daughter, so we made a compromise for him to stay at his place on house arrest. Just like Clint did.” the blond replied.

“I think Clint isn’t really fond of me at the moment. Pretty sure he blames me for the house arrest. As if I made him come out of retirement.” Tony huffed.

“And you’re angry at him?” Steve guided him.

“I’m just tired of being blamed for everything.” the other man stated, his voice sounding resigned.

“We don’t blame you for everything, Tony.”

“Who do you think is responsible for Ultron?” the genius snapped.

Steve stayed silent for a couple of seconds. Was Ultron Tony’s fault? Probably. Was Ultron _only_ Tony’s fault? Probably not. But who is the only one that takes the blame?

Tony took the captain’s silence as a sign of agreement and huffed out a bitter laugh. “See? I’m responsible for all the evil in this world.”

“That’s not true.” the blond replied placatingly. “You weren’t the only one in charge of Ultron. You said you were just trying to protect us.”

“And that brings us to Maximoff.” the smaller man replied.

Steve felt puzzled for a moment. _What did Wanda have to do with this?_

“You know why I built Ultron? Vision? I’m trying to provide a sense of security against something bigger than us. Something really bad is coming our way and we’re busy fighting each other. And then, when it arrives, you are all going to die and it’s going to be my fault ‘cause I didn’t do enough.”

“She showed you a vision, too.” the blond realised.

“I was in a weird place, maybe another planet. The giant alien ships from the battle of New York could be seen around us. And then I saw all of them. Dead. All because of _me_.” he started explaining. He was probably wearing a pained expression at that moment. “And then I saw _you_. I saw you die, Steve.” his voice broke.

They both stayed silent for a moment. Tony clearly needed some time to recollect himself and Steve stayed shocked. It was the first time the brunette had called him by his actual name since they started calling each other. He felt his cheeks flush and his heart flatter. That was a big step.

Tony drew a deep breath.

“You told me that I could have saved all of you. Asked me why I didn’t do more. I watched you die in front of my eyes and I wasn’t able to do anything about it. Everyone was dead and the worst thing was that I was the one alive.” he continued. “So, I panicked, okay? Took rush decisions. Had to find a way to protect the people I... care about.”

“You can still prepare for that big threat you saw coming. We can build stronger teams, recruit members, cooperate. We can protect our world and be ready when that danger arrives.” Steve said decisively.

“So, you believe me?” Tony said in a small voice. The blond had never heard the other man being so shy but yet so hopeful.

“Of course I do. Told you, we’re gonna face everything-“

“ _Together_.” the genius completed his thought.

Steve let out a giddy but watery laugh. _Did they have a chance in this? To be teammates again? Friends? Maybe something?_

While he was trapped in his thoughts, he heard Tony sniffle and say “Wow this got pretty emotional real quick.”

“Yeah it did.” the other man agreed softly.

“How’s your part of the team?” he asked shortly after to change the subject.

Tony chuckled. “God, we sound like a divorced couple.”

Steve felt heat creep on his cheeks, but laughed in amusement nevertheless.

“Well, Rhodey has been doing a lot better. He actually jogged for a few minutes yesterday. The smile on his face was unbelievable. He wants to start piloting the suit again, but, if you ask me, that’s out of the question.” he continued.

“Why? He loves War Machine.”

“He does, but- I let him get hurt once, I can’t do it again.” Pain could be heard in Tony’s voice.

“You feel responsible for what happened?” Steve asked, but it sounded more like a statement.

“I made that suit. The suit that was supposed to protect him. I also created Vision. Who apparently was taken away by his newly found emotions and couldn’t focus on the task in hand.” the genius sounded defeated.

“Tony, if James had been wearing any other suit he would be dead now. And as for Vision... well, he is a person on his own, so you don’t have any control over his actions. It’s not your fault you took part in creating someone that accidentally hurt your friend.” the captain said placatingly.

But Tony huffed bitterly “oh and it’s also not my fault I ‘took part in creating’ weapons that killed millions of innocents?”

Steve could tell him that he didn’t know. That he had been ignorant back then. But he knew Tony hated covering his past mistakes. So, he simply said

“You don’t do that now.”

Silence.

“I don’t.” the genius said in a small voice. Almost like a child that apologizes to their parent.

“We managed to make this emotional again, huh.” the blond said lightly.

“Damn, we’re impossible.” Tony’s voice came back to normal.

“We really need therapy.” Steve chuckled.

“Please, Captain, you’re my therapy sessions.” the other man replied.

“Oh so we are back to ‘Captain’ now?” the blond teased. “Cause I think I heard ‘Steve’ somewhere thrown in the conversation.”

“Hmmm nope. Don’t remember it. It was probably your imagination, Captain Sasspants.” the brunette joked back.

“Really? ‘Cause I have a pretty accuratememory, you know.”

“Wow the serum must be having some dysfunctions then.” they teased back and forth.

“Will you come here to fix it?”

“Hmm...” the genius pretended to think about it. “Nah, been to France one too many times. Maybe on your next destination.” he replied and if they could see each other Steve was sure Tony would have winked at that moment.

He didn’t even need to open his eyes to sense that the sun was setting. They needed to start preparing for the mission soon. He really didn’t want to hang up, but he had to.

“Look, Tony. I’m so sorry, but I have to prepare the team for tonight’s mission.”

“It’s okay, Capsicle, didn’t worry about it. Good luck, sugarplum.”

“Sugarplum? Really? Would it kill you to just say ‘Steve’?” he huffed in amusement.

“Yes, now go kick some HYDRA ass.”

“I will.” Steve muttered under his breath and ended the call.

He opened his eyes and slowly got up from the grass. He placed the phone back in his pocket and cleaned his jeans from the pieces of grass and the ants that had climbed on them. _Maybe they’re relatives of Scott_ , he thought and laughed at his own corny joke.

He start walking towards the cabin with his mind traveling to a certain brunette that was probably going to be the end of him.


	10. 10 months and 26 days

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: alcoholism   
> Hii I know this is a sensitive topic, so if you think I handled it incorrectly please please tell me so

Ten months and twenty six days. Six months. It’s been six fucking months.

Tony flipped the coin in his hand and involuntary let out a giddy laugh.

Six months. 183 days. _Damn_.

Almost no one knew about it. Well, definitely Rhodey and Pepper. But they were the ones that urged him to get some help. And now he hasn’t touched a drink in six months.

Who else knew? Happy, so he won’t supply him with drinks, especially in the car. Natasha probably. She knows everything. And now Steve. _Should he tell Steve?_

It’s just-When he talks to the blond, he feels so sincere. Like he can spill his heart to him. No boundaries, no wrong phrasing.

Maybe it’s because Steve is so earnest. And kind. He’s a great listener. _God_ , Tony wonders how Steve hadn’t gotten bored of him yet. But he listens, _actively_ listens. Ask questions, doesn’t push, gives him time to recollect himself when needed.

That isn’t something new of course. The blond was always so naturally kind-hearted. That’s why he was perfect for Captain America. Because he is truly good. Like good in its purest form.

That doesn’t mean he doesn’t make mistakes. He’s human after all. But never with ill intentions. He wants to help, protect his people, he just doesn’t always choose the right way to do so.

And that doesn’t necessarily have to do with the Accords. Because Tony is finally in a place where he can admit that Steve wasn’t completely wrong. He knew it back then as well, but was too stubborn to admit it.

But even when they fought, deep down Tony knew that despite his fears, his instinct to panic, the Captain would never want to hurt him.

To be frank, Steve probably wouldn’t want to hurt anyone, if he didn’t have to. 

He always sees the best in people. Like the better version of themselves. _Quite the opposite of himself_ , Tony thought bitterly. The genius only met disappointment throughout his whole life and had learnt to always expect the worse. _You can’t lose hope, if you never had some, right?_

But maybe now, for once after such a long time, he’s hopeful again.

‘ _Cause he’s six months sober. ‘Cause the new regulations on the accords are going smoothly. ‘Cause Rhodey is running again. ‘Cause Peter sometimes calls him after school to talk about his day. ‘Cause he’s talking to Steve._

God, he’s so in love. _How did he let that happen?_

But it’s Steve, how can he not love him. He makes Tony want to be a better person. Just thinking about him makes the other man smile. He aches with longing for someone that was never his.

Before he lets his thoughts travel any further, he opens the flip phone and presses the ‘call’ button.

Three rings. Four. Five.

Tony is ready to hang up in the middle of the sixth ring, when Steve picks up the phone.

“Tony?” he says carefully.

Tony tried to think of something smart to say. His mind came back blank. He made a quiet struggled noise in the back of his throat as he exasperatedly tried to think. _Ugh, hopefully Steve hadn’t heard that._

“Everything okay?” _Of course he had_.

“I-it’s just-I really don’t know how to say this.” the brunette muttered knowing the super soldier would be able to make out his words anyway.

“It’s okay, you can take your time. You know I’m not going to judge you for anything you say, Shellhead.”

“ _Shellhead_?” he huffed in amusement.

“What? It fits.” Tony could hear the shy smile in his voice. “You know, because of the Iron man thing-uhhh yes, that. The whole helme-“

“Yeah, I get it. Winghead.” the genius cut him off with a smirk on his face.

Tony suddenly heard muffled shouting in the background.

“Cap? Everything okay on your part?”

“Oh ehm yes. We’re currently staying next to a metro station, so the noise can get to loud sometimes.” That was a blatant lie, but he let it slide.

The engineer looked down at the small coin in his hand. It looked insignificant, but it meant everything to him.

“So...” he started.

“So?” Steve lead on.

“I really don’t know how to say this. God. But I trust you, Steve. I really do. There is always that irrational fear on the back of my head telling me not to fall for it again, hide my secrets. But honestly? I don’t think I’ve ever talked with anyone about my life so freely as I have with you.” Tony stopped as he heard a sniffle on the end of the line.

“I trust you, too, Tony.” Steve’s voice was pouring emotion. “I know my promise doesn’t mean much, but I swear I’m never going to break your trust again. You’re too important to me to make the same mistake twice.”

The other man felt his throat constricting. Tears were welling up his eyes. And deep down he could feel hope blooming. And a voice in his head, in his heart that was whispering _‘This is it. You’re moving on.’_

Moving on, huh. That would have sounded impossible 10 months ago. But now, he had finally forgiven Steve, he let himself a window open to something new and he was six months sober. Oh shit. The reason he called.

While Tony was trying to recompose himself, the blond seemed to be otherwise occupied. The genius was certain he could hear quick footsteps. Was he running?

Damn Steve and his super stamina. His voice was hardly ever affected by whichever strenuous act he was doing.

“I’m glad to hear that.” he finally whispered to keep his voice steady.

“Okay. So..” he started again. “As you probably know, by the many colorful articles online and in the papers, I always had a preference for alcohol. Well, to be fair, my father handed me a glass of scotch when I was 7, so I was kind of doomed from the beginning.” he huffed bitterly.

“The situation got a lot worse when I got into MIT. I mean, I was a 15 year old, youngest of my class, in a world where a kid clearly didn’t belong. So, I started partying almost every day and drinking regularly. Thank God, I had Rhodey. I don’t think I would have survived without him.” the fondness in his voice was visible.

“He really helped and I’ll forever owe him that. I started socializing more, getting out of my dorm, leaving the bourbon behind. But then my parents died and I fell through that rabbit hole again. I became aggressive and pushed every friend I had made away. Only Rhodey was persistent enough to stay. And of course, I started drinking again. In my defense, I was 21 and CEO of the biggest weapon manufacturing company.”

He stopped talking for a second. Wondered if the other man was even listening. But then Steve hummed softly urging him to continue without actually putting pressure on him.

“At first, I would say I had a drink to calm the nerves. But then I started drinking vodka to fall asleep and mixing it with coffee in the morning. That situation lasted for a good few years, ‘till Pep came along. She and Rhodey were my anchors. I didn’t ever stop drinking, but I did limit it.”

“Then Afghanistan came and honestly drinking was the last thing on my mind. I had to figure out how to escape the cave. After that, how to create a new element. And even though the distractions were plenty, there was always this bugging need for alcohol in the back of my mind.”

“After the battle of New York, I couldn’t take it anymore. The stress, the nightmares, the responsibilities. The fear. So, I started drinking the occasional scotch. Ultron appears and that scotch isn’t really occasional anymore. And then the Accords..” Tony lowers his voice. The last thing he wanted to do at that point is make Steve feel guilty.

“...and the whole mess and I just couldn’t take it anymore. I had reached my breaking point. It was really bad. But I was also very lucky to have Rhodey and Pepper intervene and help me. It was hard at first ‘cause I’m a stubborn ass. But I did it.” a small smile appeared on his face. It could probably also be heard in his voice.

“So, here I am. Six months sober.” He was proud of himself, he really was.

He heard Steve taking a breath in order to speak, but quickly cut him off. Did he really want to hear Cap’s reaction?

“They even gave me a sobriety coin. Which sounds ridiculous, but holding it calms me down.” he admitted.

“Tony...” Steve started slowly.

_Oh no, he’s gonna criticize me, isn’t he?_ He worried.

“You have no idea how proud of you I am.” he continued softly.

“I’m sorry I’m so messed up. Wait what did you say?” Tony startled.

“I said that I’m really proud of you. Very few people manage to accomplish what you did and even without being a superhero on the side. And I’m so glad you felt comfortable enough to share it with me.”

The brunette felt tears gathering in his eyes.

“I-Really?” he said hopefully.

“Of course.” the blond replied gently. “You know I always admired you, Tony. But now, knowing what you’ve been through this whole time? I admire you even more.”

After a beat of silence, “Are you okay, Shellhead?”

“I’m fine-“ his voice broke “I just- thank you, Steve. This means a lot to me.

“You know, you have actually helped me one time I wanted to take a sip so fucking bad.” he admitted.

“Really?” said the captain in wonder.

“Yeah uhm... remember that one time you called me while trying to remove a bullet? Well, I was alone in my apartment and regardless of what I had told to you, I actually had a pretty shitty day. My meeting with the board had gone to hell, Pepper then called me out on my abrasive behavior and mentioned something about our break up and the kid had called saying he couldn’t visit the next weekend.

“And I just- I really wanted that drink. I went home and with the thought of alcohol in my mouth and, because I have actually poured out every bottle in my penthouse, I was ready to order some from the closest liquor shop.

“But then, you called me. And you were hurt, which alleviated my mind from my own stupid needs and you asked me about my life and I started finding all the good things that had happened that made me forget why I wanted that drink in the first place.”

_ Wow, it felt good to finally get that off his chest. _

“I.. I had no idea. But I’m so glad to help. You know you can always call whenever you get a temptation, right?” Steve said carefully, almost afraid of the answer.

“I know.” the other man replied softly.

He felt a fluttering in his chest. Maybe now was the right time. He was sure about his feelings after all and what’s the worst that could happen? He gets rejected and what? They never talk on the phone again? Wow, big problem.

Okay, it is actually a big problem and it would crush his heart. But... Tony had that feeling in gut that Steve shared his interest.

He looked down in the coin in his hand again and took a deep breath. It was now or never.

“You know I wanted to tell you something else too, Cap.” Cap, _smooth_. He mentally cursed himself.

“I-I think I’m in-“ A rain of bullets coming from the end of the line cut him off.

“What the hell was that?” he almost shouted.

He heard Steve fumbling with something, then reloading a gun.

The sound of bullets again. This time louder. Steve was the one shooting this time. Some quick footsteps and then silence.

“Yes?” the blond said, not one bit out of breath, that enhanced bastard.

“Please tell you didn’t pick up the phone in the middle of a gunfight.” he replied exasperatedly.

“You called!” he said loudly.

“You didn’t have to pick up!” the other man shouted back.

“It could have been an emergency!”

“Then why did you keep talking to me after realizing there wasn’t one?”

“Tony...” Steve lowered his voice. “You had something important to tell me. Of course I wouldn’t hang up. I mean... it’s you.”

“And what’s that supposed to mean?” The brunette said with a pout.

The Captain huffed in amusement as if thinking about an inside joke only he knew.

“Oh wait-Chhhh-I think I’m losing the line. Skskskskksk Tony you there?” he faked.

“God, you’re ridiculous, you know that? People look at you and think you’re that mature symbol whereas you have the mind of a five year old.” the genius chuckled.

“Oh you wound me, Mr Stark.”

“Oh I forgot about the manners of a ninety year old.” he added.

“Well, technically I’m a senior citizen, so you should talk to me with more respect, young man.”

Tony shook his head and laughed in amusement.

“God, I miss you.” he said not even thinking about it.

“I really miss you too.” Steve said softly and an something exploded near him.

The brunette snapped out of his gaze. “Shit. I forgot you are on a mission. Are you even taking cover? Don’t think your stupid shield can take of that front.”

“I don’t have my shield anymore, Tony.” The blond answered but with no venom in his voice.

“Well, that can be fixed.” Tony replied easily.

“ _Tooony_ ” Steve said exasperatedly. “Don’t think about sending me the shield.”

“It has been refurbished and ready when you need it. Just saying.” he replied nonchalantly.

“Wait-Really? Were you planning on using it or giving it to somebody else?” Steve’s confusion was prominent in his tone.

“No?”

“Then why would you fix it?” the blond continued dumbfounded.

“Because the shield was always yours, my Captain. And I know... I know what I said that day, but I was in rage. Truth to be told, that shield belongs solely to you.” He replied sincerely.

Steve didn’t talk for a moment and Tony feared the fight had flared up again. Then he heard the other man sigh in what sounded like relief.

“Thank you.” he finally said gratefully. “I really appreciate it, To-“ Gunshot. “Shit, there’s more of them?” he said to himself.

“Language!” Tony couldn’t help but teasing.

“Adorable.” the other man deadpanned. And fired approximately seven shots.

“Everything’s fine?”

“Yeah yeah I’m just supposed to destroy some dangerous information, while some other people are supposed to be covering me, but they don’t seem to be doing a great job with it.” he said pointedly.

“Then I think it’d be safer to hang up, so you can finish your job in peace and help the other rascals.”

“But _Tonyyy_ ” Steve whined.

“Yeah yeah I know you’ll miss me.” he said jokingly although he knew he would miss the other guy as well. They didn’t call that often, after all.

“Okay. I promise I’ll call you as soon as we reach our next destination.” The captain said somewhat hopefully, as if expecting Tony to reject the suggestion.

“Splendid. Talk to you then, mio capitano.” said Tony and ended the call.

He put the phone in his pocket and then flipped the coin in his hand.

He smiled softly thinking about their talk. 

_Today was a good day_ , he thought.


	11. 11 months and 5 days

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As if I wouldn’t make a chapter about Greece. Dedicated to Ana bc she’s my favorite Greek idiot<3

Eleven months and five days. Seven hours since they started hiking their way through Crete.

When they finally reached Theriso, a small village in the vicinity of Chania, Sam let his backpack down first, put his hands on his knees and took a deep breath.

Natasha sank onto her knees and used the backpack for back support, while Wanda took a water bottle out of her bag and drank some water.

Steve didn’t actually feel tired, but he sat down for the whole purpose of not making the others feel bad they don’t have his stamina.

“So, where to now, Cap? We gonna stay at the motel here?” Sam asked.

“No, no. We are gonna camp in a secluded spot a little outside of the village. But for now, you can keep your disguises and go for a walk on the vicinity. Maybe go eat something, I hear Greek food is delicious.” the captain replied.

“Has Stark been telling you that?” Sam replied. Natasha smirked, while Wanda quirked her eyebrow.

“I-How do you-“ Steve stammered.

“Please, Cap, we’ve all heard you talking on the phone at some point. And considering you’re a war criminal and, frankly, you don’t have many friends, we can safely assume you’ve been talking to someone from the rest of the team.” Wanda answered casually.

“And who else would it be if not your divorced wife?” Sam joked. Steve threw a stern look at him that didn’t really do anything.

“Point is, we know you’ve been talking to Tony. I mean Sam has been talking to Rhodes, Wanda has been meeting with Vision and I text with Clint, so who are we to judge.” Nat added.

“Now let’s go grab something to eat ‘cause I’m starving, because Captain fitness here thought we don’t need more than two breaks.” The falcon faked annoyance.

“Maybe we can get some souvenirs, so I can show Vis next time we meet.” Wanda said excitedly.

“Yeah yeah... ugh you know what? You go and I’ll meet you guys a little later. I... ugh I have a call to make.” Steve said and started heading towards the forest.

“Greetings to your boyfriend!” Natasha shouted, while Wanda laughed and Sam wolf-whistled.

The blond smile and shook his head while walking towards the woods. Merely five minutes later he found a small river and sat next to the trunk of a tree nearby.

He closed his eyes and breathed in for a second, just enjoying the sound of nature. _God, he loved this place._

He then eagerly took out the burner phone from his pocket and pressed the usual contact.

“Morning, Winghead.” said that rich teasing voice he adored.

Steve smiled without even realizing it. “Good day?” He said judging by the tone of the other man’s voice.

“Well, you called.” Tony teased and the blond felt warm all over.

“I promised I would.” He replied softly.

“So, we are the bandits camping now?” the genius asked.

“As if you don’t know.” Steve said with mock accusation.

“I don’t!”

“You do!”

“Nope.”

“Liar! You always check!”

“Mayyybe, but I wanted to hear it from you.” the brunette finally admitted.

“Very well then” the captain said pointedly. “I’m in Crete. Have you ever been to Greece? Dear lord, it’s like a paradise here.”

“Which person who is younger than ninety even says ‘dear lord’-“

“I’ll have you know that I typically am older than ninety, so I have the right to say whichever outdated phrase I want, you youngster.”

Tony huffed in amusement. “Calm down, grandpa.”

“But to answer your question, I think I’ve been to Greece a couple of times. I was probably in Mykonos, but I don’t remember much, so I was more likely completely wasted.” he added.

“It’s a shame you didn’t get to enjoy the beauty of the Greek wildlife back then. I’ll take you here some day.” Steve didn’t even know why he said it. It was absurd, they were hardly talking via a flip phone and he was dreaming about a trip together.

“Can it be on our honeymoon?” Tony teased and even though the blond knew it was a joke, his face flushed beet red.

“Only if you ask nicely.” he teased back.

“You know the kids are calling us Iron mum and Captain dad.” That drew a sudden laugh out of Steve. The genius didn’t even have to specify the ‘ _kids_ ’.

“Mine say we’re divorced.”

“Well, it’s only fair we split the kids then.”

“But we were fair, we let them choose.”

“We really are killing the whole divorced parents thing.”

“I mean we are a pretty good team.” Tony said. “Ugh were. I meant we _were_ a pretty good team.” he then corrected.

“Yeah... were.” Steve muttered and his heart clenched. “I mean you never know where the future will take us. Maybe an alien from outer space will try to wipe out the Earth.” he added trying to lighten up the mood.

The genius huffed bitterly.

A painful silence followed before Tony said “Hey I was thinking... if you weren’t Captain America, what would you be doing?”

“Like if I hadn’t gone to the army?” the other man asked and the brunette hummed.

“I probably would have studied something related to art. Always had a soft spot for drawing. I actually remember wanting to go to Art school back in the day, but I didn’t have the money for it. Either way, I always preferred the army.” Steve said with a tone that revealed unrequited dreams.

“I think I’ve seen some of your drawings. They’re beautiful, Steve. You have a real talent.” Tony said softly. And after a second, “Do you still draw?”

“Actually, yes. I picked it up again when we started going around the world on missions with the other rascals, as you call them.” he confessed.

“And what do you draw?”

“The beautiful scenery mostly” and after a beat, “ _You_.” he said quietly and he could already feel his neck and cheeks burning.

“Oh really?” he replied and oh god, Steve could definitely hear the smirk in his voice.

“Sometimes.” he said begrudgingly.

“Well, if you ever need me to model for your nude paintings, I’m always at your service.” that got a sudden laugh out of the blond.

“ _Tony_!” he said exasperatedly.

“Yeah yeah I forgot, 40s values and all.” he teased one more.

“God, I hate you.” the blond put a hand on his face.

“Do you really now, Steven?”

No, _I love you_.

“Don’t call me ‘Steven’, you sound like my ma.” then he added “ _Anthony_.”

Tony groaned. “Please never call me ‘Anthony’ again. Reminds me of my dad. Although he usually just called me ‘kid’ which somehow is even worse. My mum would to call me ‘Antonio’ though, being Italian and all that.”

“It’s a beautiful name. It actually means priceless.” Steve said softly “which in fact very fitting.”

Tony didn’t for a few seconds, probably taken away by the sentiment.

He then cleared his throat and finally muttered “Do you know the meaning behind every name?”

“Only the ones that matter.” The blond replied smoothly.

More silence.

“So, what would you do?” Steve asked.

“Huh?” the other man said confused.

“If you weren’t a part time engineer part time superhero.” he explained.

“Ohhh. I genuinely don’t know. I feel like I was made for this job. Not superheroing. And definitely not weapon manufacturing, that was Howard’s dream. But just- building stuff. Machines, robots, anything. It was always my biggest passion. You know, when I was little I used to take apart all the electronic devices at home and try to rebuild them.”

“That definitely sounds like you.” Steve laughed in amusement. “But you didn’t have a nice childhood.” he said more of a fact.

“Ugh you see... you’ve gathered by now that Howard wasn’t the man you knew, he was an alcoholic asshole borderline abusive. And my mum didn’t really show her love, even though she felt it. But at least I had Jarvis and Ana, his wife.” he sighed.

“But even with Jarvis it was lonely. He had to work, couldn’t be with me all the time. Didn’t really have any real friends till I met Rhodey. Howard used to buy them for me. I hated them, so I stayed in my room building anything my mind could think of.” the brunette admitted with sorrow.

“You know I grew up pretty poor and I was sick all the damn time. But I had a cherish-able childhood. I mean, nothing fancy, but I remember that even on my worst days I had mum and Buck. When my dad died, my ma took on his role as well. I remember when I was sick she would make a blanket fort in the living room to cheer me up.” he said fondly.

“So, I don’t thing it’s really about the money-“ he concluded.

“It’s about the people you have around you.” Tony finished his sentence.

There was a pause and Steve wondered if he had gone too far. He shouldn’t have mentioned his ‘happy’ childhood and remind him of what he hadn’t lived as a kid.

But then the genius said, “You know, if I have a kid I’m gonna make its childhood years the most memorable in the best way. Spend time with them and create all kinds of experiences. Well, of course I’m gonna spoil them like crazy, but also teach them the value of family and friends and that kind of shit.”

“ _If_?” Steve said amused. “You would like to have a family?”

“I mean... yes at some point. I feel like I’m already too old. So, maybe not kids. Or I could adopt one. But I do wanna get married one day. Settle down, the whole shebang. It would be nice to finally have some stability in my life. Someone I could always count on.”

_I can be that for you. I’m here._ Steve wanted to say but refrained.

Tony took his silence as a sign to prompt on, “How about you? You had mentioned that you aren’t it for stability in this new age. Still a free spirit?” Even though his voice had a humorous manner, the blond could hear the slight concern underneath it.

“Hmm... I don’t know about children, don’t think it would be a good idea to genetically create any.” he huffed. “But marriage sounds nice. Maybe this is my second chance, you know? Get my happy ending and all that fairytale stuff? I mean I punched Hitler in the face, at least o deserve a husband.” he joked.

But Tony focused his attention on a certain word, “ _Husband?_ ” Oh he definitely was smirking at that moment.

“Or wife.” Steve replies pointedly.

“Yeah yeah try to cover it up now, Captain lyinpants.” the other man teased.

“Oh you’re insufferable.” the blond groaned.

“But you still put up with me.” he noted.

“Yes, I’m a hero.” he replied dryly.

“But Steve...” the genius said softly. “You really do deserve a happy ending. You lived through two different times, you fought one too many wars, you lost your people. You are worth a person that will give you the happiness you deserve.” he added somewhat resigned.

“I think I have someone in mind.” the other man replied gently.

Tony didn’t push to learn who that person was. He just stayed silent.

“There is no one in this world that deserves a happily ever after more than you, Shellhead.” Steve added.

“I don’t know about that. I had a life with everything I wanted; parties, booze, women, men, you name it. But it didn’t feellike enough. So I found myself a boyfriend, Tiberius Stone. Ty was... something else. Not sure if that’s good, though. He was very controlling, borderline abusive, tried to antagonize me too much and cheated on me one too many times ‘till I finally kicked him out of my place. Then there was Sunset Bain. I was happy, for a little while with her. And then I found out she was using me to learn SI’s secrets.” he huffed out a bitter laugh.

“But then I met Rumiko and for the first time I felt like I had found a person I wanted to be with in the long run, you know? But she moved away, said we couldn’t be together, that we wouldn’t last. And then Iron man happened and I changed my view about life. Wasn’t sure I wanted a spouse at that point. Being a superhero meant possibly endangering whoever I was with and that was the last thing I wanted.

“But then I fell for Pepper. And it wasn’t her fault, really. I was like a toddler going around breaking stuff and she had to follow me and pick up the pieces. Being a CEO and my girlfriend? I have no idea how she managed that for so long. Till she couldn’t do it anymore, said it was too much. I don’t blame her. I don’t think she ever accepted that Iron man is an integral part of my personality now.

“Anyway, point is that I’m not one for relationships. I want one, I want a family. But maybe I’m just not meant to have one. It’s okay, I can live with that. I’ve been doing fine so far.” Tony finished nonchalantly, but Steve could hear the pain in his voice.

It broke his heart. He had no idea Tony thought of himself that way. His part in saving the world was huge, how could he not see that he deserved some happiness, too?

“Tony...” he started placatingly. “Just because your past relationships ended badly doesn’t make it your fault. Maybe it takes many tries to find the one.”

“And what if there isn’t ‘one’ for me?”

“You can’t know unless you try, I suppose. But just remember, you really deserve any good thing coming your way. Don’t try to sabotage your own happiness, because you think you’re not worthy of it.” he said gently.

“Okay then... maybe-maybe I’ll keep trying.” the genius answered.

Steve gathered up his courage and said “Maybe there’s already someone out there waiting for you.”

“You really think that?” Tony said hopefully.

“I really know that.” the blond replied confidently.

“Oh really?” the genius swiftly changed to a more teasing tone. It was easier for him to be playful than emotional.

“I think we said ‘really’ one too many times.” Steve laughed awkwardly trying to change the subject.

“No no no I see right through you, Captain Lyinpants. Now tell me who my secret admirer is.”

“Who talked about ‘secret’?”

“Well, no one is throwing themselves at me from what I can see.”

“You do tend to be pretty oblivious.” Steve pointed out.

“Says you!” Tony said exasperatedly.

“Please, nothing can go over my head, my reflexes are too fast. It’s part of the whole super-soldier shtick.” he smirked.

“ _God_ , you’re an idiot.”

“That’s not a nice way to talk to a senior.”

“I swear to god I-give me a sec” Steve heard another phone ringing at the end of the line. Then with his enhanced hearing, he heard Tony say “Yes Pepper dear I’m on my way. No really, I’m in the car! Ughh Happy can’t talk to you right now he’s ugh talking to another driver yeah. Yes, yes I’m coming, stop worrying. Bye Pep!”

Then he returned to the call, “Okay so I have to go to a meeting.” he said sheepishly.

“How late are you?” the blond huffed amused.

“I never said I’m late.”

A pause.

“Okay, 25 minutes but that’s not the point.”

“Of course it’s not.” he replied fondly. “It’s okay, we’ll talk later, though?” he continued somewhat worried.

“Yeah I’ll call you, darling.” the brunette replied and ended the call.

_Darling_. Steve could feel a blush rising up to his cheeks. He let out an amused laugh. God, he was so gone for that man. 

He put his phone in his pocket and looked around. It was a pretty nice day and the weather was ideal for a swim, he decided while he got up and began to undress.

_ Maybe life was smiling at him for once. _


	12. 11 months and 13 days

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m really bad at writing action so I’m sorry in advance if anything doesn’t make sense.

Eleven months and thirteen days. Three minutes and forty four seconds.

_ Tick... Tick... Tick... _

Tony removed his gauntlets and started sorting the wires.

“FRIDAY, has everyone left the vicinity?”

“Yes, boss. But I’d suggest you do the same.” the AI replied albeit skeptically.

“I can’t have them destroy the building. All the files that would be gone... I can’t do that. Kids live in the neighborhood, too. I can’t let their homes get destroyed. I can’t-“ his fingers went over the wrong wire.

“Dammit.” he took a deep breath. “How much time?”

“Three minutes and twenty three seconds.”

“Not enough.” he muttered.

He was suddenly back in the wormhole, trying to call Pepper and drowning in silence.

“Hey FRI, be a dear and call ‘Steve Rogers’.”

The genius pulled a wire free and continued sorting through the others while the AI followed his command.

“Tony? Is everything okay? How come you didn’t call from the burner phone?”

“Yeah you see I’ve got a situation going here and it may or may not involve defusing a bomb, but everything’s fine!” he blurted out as fast as possible, but he knew Steve had caught what he said.

“Is there time for me to come where you are? Has everyone evacuated the area? Do you have your armor on? Do you have enough time to defuse it?” the other man asked with such a strategical manner that is so Steve that reminded Tony why he’s in love with him.

“No, yes, yes mostly and... I don’t know.” he replied.

Steve didn’t say anything and Tony internally panicked. Any second counted at this point.

“Maybe you should leave, too.” he finally said softly.

“I-I can’t Steve. You have to understand-There’s too much at stake.” his voice trembled.

“Okay. Okay.” the blond replied placatingly. “But aren’t I distracting you?”

Tony’s hands hadn’t stopped working the whole time.

“Steve...” he said defeatedly and hoped the blond would get the message.

“You didn’t call me to ask for help, did you?” his voice sounded so defeated it broke Tony’s heart.

Tony’s silence replied to his question.

“Do you believe in soulmates?” Steve suddenly asked.

Tony hummed in question, his dexterous hands never stopping.

“You know, according to Plato, in the beginning there were three genders; male-male, female-male and female-female. These genders, because they were consisted of two humans each, were two powerful. Because of their enhanced abilities, they became arrogant and tried to antagonize the gods. In order to punish them and to lessen their power, the gods decided to split them in half and scatter them around the world.”

Steve’s calm narration actually helped him collect himself and handle the task in hand more effectively.

“So, they spent their whole lives trying to find their other half, the person that gives them power, that makes them feel complete. Plato describes that, in reality, we are just a half of a whole human and that search gives our lives another meaning.” he finished.

“That’s... beautiful.” Tony whispered but he knew Steve heard. Tears filled his eyes and he tried to blink them away. _Not now_ , he had to stay focused.

“I was just thinking, you know?” the blonde continued. “Maybe there’s a reason everything happened in my life. Maybe there’s a reason that I got accepted in Project Rebirth, that I became Captain America, that I was frozen in the ice, that I woke up 70 years in the future. Maybe everything has led up to this moment. Life works in wondrous way, right?” he huffed a nervous laugh, albeit with the same sophisticated calmness in his voice.

“Maybe..” the other man replied softly and proceeded to cut another wire.

“Perhaps the universe tries to bring two people together in any way possible. Even if they are decades apart. ‘Cause there are some people that are-“he continued with his own steady rhythm.

“Meant to be.” Tony cut him off. He was almost done. _Shit, he actually had a chance in this._

“Exactly.” the blonde replied.

The genius looked at the timer. 17 seconds.

He cut the final wire and put the lid of the bombing mechanism back in its place.

“Shit, Steve I did it!” he let out a relieved giggle while putting on his gauntlets again.

“Oh thank God.” the other man replied and joined in the laughing fit.

It seemed as if they couldn’t stop laughing. All the adrenaline from the previous moments was being released and Tony couldn’t take the smile off his face.

But then he heard it.

_ Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. _

What the hell?

His laugh stopped abruptly, which immediately alerted the other man, “Shellhead?”

The sound was coming from somewhere near him and it had an accretive rhythm. That could only mean one thing. There was no time left.

“Shit.” he muttered while moving towards the hidden basement’s elevator as fast as possible.

The beeping sound accelerated even more.

He took a deep breath. “I love you, Steve.” his voice trembled.

“Tony, what is-“

Before the other man had the chance to continue the genius ordered, “FRIDAY, end call.”

An explosion. Then _nothing_.


	13. 11 months and 14 days

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry if there are so plot holes aboit locations and stuff, I’m so messy at this kind of stuff.  
> (TW: throwing up)

Eleven months and fourteen days.

“The subscriber you have dialed is currently unavailable. Please try later.”

“Goddammit!” Steve shouted and threw his phone against the wall.

While he was in the shelter he had searched all the news, all the shield servers. But nothing. _Zero. Zip. Nada._

He had even called Rhodes and mrs. Potts but they hadn’t picked up, probably busy defusing the whole situation. _Defusing. Ha._ Steve’s chest felt like it was going to explode from the pain.

_ How did this all happen? One minute he had refused the bomb and the next second he was in distress? Did he not defuse the bomb correctly? Was there a second one? Is he even alive? _

The blond got out of the cave they took shelter in and threw up in the snow. He sat down in the snow with his back to the outer part of the cave and took a shaky breath.

When he was a little boy, his ma would take him to church every Sunday. Even in the army, when the other soldiers rested in a small town during their rounds, they would always visit the nearest church and pray for the war to end so they could see their families again.

He was always a believer, but the last years he hadn’t been so focused on his connection with God. But he knew the Lord always helped them in their wars, no matter how big or small they were.

So, he brought his hands together and closed his eyes, while a few tears slipped from them.

_ Please let him be alive. Please. He’s a good man. He has so much to live for. Please, take me instead. He deserves to live more than anyone else. Please Lord. Thank you. _

‘Let him be alive’ became a mantra in his head ‘till Natasha’s steps in the snow snapped him out of his daze.

She sat next to him and gave him a bottle of water to clear his throat. He took it with shaking hands and threw her a small grateful smile. He gulped down the whole bottle and turned to look at her with his puppy eyes.

She looked at the ground instead, “Clint doesn’t know anything and neither does king T’challa.”

He averted his gaze to the sky continuing his silent prayers and said grimly, “Any good news?”

“Sort of, I contacted Fury. He confirmed that Tony had been involved in the case, but said that he can’t say anything more for the time being.” she said gently. “I’m sorry Steve, I know how much he meant to you.”

“ _Means_.” the captain snapped. “He’s still alive. He’s okay. Don’t say stuff like that. He’s alive. He’s-“ a sob escaped his lips and Natasha held him as he broke down.

They stayed like that for a couple of minutes, while Steve tried to regain his demeanor. 

He suddenly took a deep shaking breath and Natasha released her hands from where they were wrapped around his broad shoulders.

His forehead was still on her shoulder, when he whispered “Thank you.”

Instead of replying she patted his back. He raised his head and looked at her with his pained blue eyes. She softly kissed his cheek and got up. She always knew when the others wanted to be alone.

“If you need anything, you know I’m always here for you, капитан.” she said while she re-entered the cave.

Steve took a handful of snow from the ground and washed his face with it.

The sudden coldness drew a sudden laugh out of him. Who would expect that after being frozen for 70 years he wouldn’t mind being surrounded by ice, because his mind was occupied by a certain someone.

Slowly he got up and entered the cave. At the entrance, he picked up the burner phone he had hastily thrown away before and tried the number again.

_Nothing_.

Well, at least he had service. Thank god for Shuri, who actually modified the phones so they can get a signal basically everywhere in the world. And considering they were currently high at the Alps, it was pretty darn useful.

They had already been climbing up the mountains when Steve had talked to Tony. They were on a break drinking hot chocolate on a shelter when he received the mysterious phone call. The moment it ended the blond desperately tried to call back with every way possible, but with no results.

He walked back to his friends looking as if he had seen a ghost. When he told them, they all used their sources to get information about the case as soon as possible. Apparently, some members of the former avengers had been sent to investigate an ordinary building, in which there was rumored to be a basement filled with old HYDRA archives. That was all they had.

Steve guessed Tony obviously took part in the mission and while he was examining the basement he found a bomb. Natasha also found out that there was indeed an explosion in that area, which made Steve’s heart stop in his chest, but with no identified victims. For some reason that didn’t wash his worries away.

They had decided to start descending themountain, but a few hours later they decided to take a break, which brought them to the natural cave they inhabited to rest and eat.

Snapping out of his memories, Steve sighed and put the flip phone back in the pocket of his jacket. He clapped his hands and shouted “Okay avengers, breaks over.Hope you’ve rested enough ‘cause we gotta move fast and get to the foothills as soon as possible.” They all knew the reason for their sudden return from their expedition, but no one decided to comment on it.

As they were exiting the cave, carrying their backpacks and quietly chatting with each other, Steve looked at between the endless white mountaintops and prayed for his love.


	14. 11 months and 27 days

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The moment you’ve all been waiting for... *drum roll*

Eleven months and twenty seven days.

Tony’s eyelids flattered open.

_God, his body still felt so stiff._ Extremis did need a long time to activate on its full extent.

He took a deep breath and stretched his arms. Slowly he sat up on the bed and put the pillow behind his back.

He looked around the dimly lit hospital room. Peter was sitting in a waiting chair he had brought next to the bed and was currently asleep with his head on his arms on top of his knees.

Tony stared at him fondly. _He really didn’t deserve that kid, huh._ He had become a part of his dysfunctional family at this point.

While he was lost in his thoughts, Rhodey quietly slipped in the room.

“Hey” he whispered. “How are you feeling?”

“Honey bear” the genius rasped, with voice rusted from disuse. “Still pretty tired, but definitely better than when I was folded like a chaise longue.”

“Dude..” Rhodey said warningly.

“What? Too soon?” the other man chuckled. “When was the last time I woke up?”

“Six hours ago.” Tony hummed. “You still need time to heal. And I bet having a computer, or whatever that thing is, inside your brain takes some time getting used to.” Rhodey continued.

“It’s just-Right now I have an immediate access to billions of files, data, information... it’s...”

“Overwhelming?” the other man suggested.

“Yeah...” Tony said wearily.

Rhodey sensed that talking about the elephant in the room did more bad than good, so he decided it would be better to change the subject.

“So, Pep is at the cafeteria right now along with Happy, but after she’s done, she’ll visit bearing coffee.” Tony perked up with this.

Rhodey spared a glance at Peter and said “The kid’s aunt called saying she’ll come pick him up at 7, but till then I think it would be better if we let him rest. He’s hardly slept all week between studying, training and visiting you as often as possible.”

Tony felt guilty, but also giddy with happiness thinking that Peter actually cared that much to struggle with his schedule just to visit him. If he could adopt him, he certainly would at that point.

“Yeah, he deserves as much sleep as he can get.” He glanced at the kid’s sleeping form. “You know you can take a seat, Platypus.”

“As much as I would love to, I can’t. I have to finish the mission report for Fury. But I did drop by to give you this.” he said as he dug out of his pocket Tony’s burner phone.

His heart clenched.

_ Oh Steve. _

He hadn’t talked to him after the explosion. _God, did he think he was dead?_ With all the time he needed to recover and the hours of sleep the whole process required, he hadn’t have much time for actually coherent thoughts.

While he was trapped in his thoughts, the other man said gently, “I just- I saw it on your bedside table when I went home to get you fresh clothes and I thought you’d probably want it.” 

He turned to Rhodey with a pained smile.

“Thank you.” he whispered, not really trusting his voice to be steady at that point, while the other man handed him the small device.

Tony didn’t even see Rhodey leaving the room, his eyes solely focused on the phone.

He flipped it open and saw the notifications. 73 missed calls. 4 unread messages. 

Despite talking to each other for months over the phone, they’d never actually exchange any texts, so he went to read them first.

Tony. Please tell me if everything is okay, I haven’t heard from you and I’m starting to get worried. Call me when possible.

-Steve 

Tony chuckled when he saw the signature at the end. _As if they had more than one contact on their respective phones._

He felt a different sort of pain reading the first message, Steve’s worry was obvious. The next texts got worse.

Tony please tell me you’re okay. I tried to call ms. Potts and Colonel Rhodes, but they seem to be unavailable. Nat called Fury, but he won’t say much. 

-Steve

He was actually surprised Steve attempted to call his friends, although it did make sense they didn’t actually pick up as they already had enough on their plates.

Please tell me you’re okay, anything really. Even if you don’t wanna talk, just a simply text, even if it’s you telling me to leave you alone. I think I’m going crazy, please Tony.

Tony felt a sharp pain while reading that one. Then he remembered Steve’s whole soulmates speech. _Did he actually believe in what he said or did he just say it only to make Tony feel better?_ Well, judging by his texts he was clearly worried, but that didn’t mean he shared his feelings.

Then the last one,

I can’t do this without you, Shellhead.

Tony hadn’t even realized tears were steaming from his eyes until one of them fell on the screen of the phone.

He promptly forgot all his insecurities and almost robotically _(huh now that was partly true)_ he opened the contacts and pressed that familiar number.

Hardly a ring.

“Yes?” Steve’s voice echoed in Tony’s silent room. It sounded too formal, like he didn’t expect Tony was the one making the call.

His heart ached while hearing the silk voice of the man who owned his heart. He felt a wave of relief surge over him; _at least Steve was okay._

Trapped in his daze, he actually forgot he had to reply.

“Anyone there?” Steve’s voice, now soft and trembling, spoke again. The pain it contained was obvious even to a deaf man and Tony snapped out of his thoughts.

“Hey Winghead.” he said softly. He hadn’t really thought what he was going to say when he pressed the dial button.

“Oh god” the blond’s voice broke. “Tony- I... I thought you were- oh thank god... I-I was so scared.” he said in between sobs.

Tony’s heart ached hearing the other man clearly so broken. _Do I really mean that much to him?_ he thought with a bitter hopefulness.

“I’m sorry I didn’t call earlier. It’s- well, it’s kind of a long story.” he explained.

“I have time.” Steve said with a familiar stubbornness that made the genius warm inside.

_God, I missed you,_ he thought fondly.

“I really missed you too, Shellhead.” _Oh shit, he had said that out loud?_

“You know, when you called I was traveling through the Alps. I was so scared, Tony. I knew it was my fault for breaking your trust, letting the team fall apart and now I was in these stupid mountains too far away to help.” the blond started, still with a faint tremor in his voice.

“You couldn’t have done anything anyway. If you were here at that mission, chances are you would be hurt, too. Or worse.” A shiver went up his spine.

“Are-are you okay now though? You sound tired. Did you sleep enough? Are you injured? Are you in a hospital right now?” the other man worried.

“Hey hey calm down you mother hen. Okay, I’ll tell you everything from the beginning. One day my dad met my mum...”

“Ha ha, I forgot how hilarious you are.” the blond replied dryly and Tony could almost sense him roll his eyes.

“Okay, okay. You see, we had gotten information that there was a dormant hydra base on the outskirts of New York. But you know, dormant doesn’t mean dead. So, we went to check and we found out myriads of files in old archives. It looked too good to be true and of course, it was. Guess what? It was a trap, who would’ve thought.” he said sarcastically, internally blaming himself for his idiocy. _How hadn’t they realized it?_

“So, Hydra goons started attacking us and of course we had them; by saying ‘we’ I mean Rhodey, yes he’s back in action, Spiderman and Vision. Anyway, while the others handled the situation perfectly, I checked some of the files and God, Steve, the information it contained...

“When we finished them off, we though we were done with the mission and everything was fine. So, we call Fury to notify him about the files and then we exit the base. And by ‘we’ I mean ‘they’ because I thought it would be a smart idea to check some of those files for myself. Never know what you could find, am I right?

“There was this book lying around with a fancy, snake-skin cover and all that and it looked too appealing not to check. I started reading it and immediately noticed it was written in some sort of code only Hydra members could discern . But you know, for every code, there’s always a hidden instruction book. So, I start searching around and then I hear it. Tick... tick... tick.

With the help of my dear FRIDAY, I quickly find the source of the noise; a bomb, who would have thought? I- I know that you think I should have just left, but Steve, the base was hidden in the basement of a building. A civilian residence in a neighborhood full of kids. And of course we had cleared the area when the fight started, but I couldn’t just destroy their homes. And then there were the files. So much precious information, couldn’t let it go to waste.” He said somewhat sorrowful.

“But the building did explode. It was on the news.” the other man said more as a fact.

“Wait, I’ll get a there. But yes, the building did end up getting burned.” he replied his throat suddenly constricting. _How could he be so stupid? He let so many people down. Little kids goddammit._

“Tony, it wasn’t your fault. You tried your best. You stayed there even when you shouldn’t have just to protect those people, their homes, the information. You weren’t the one who planted the bomb. Those were Hydra bastards. But... I thought you had managed to defuse the bomb? You had sounded triumphant... I thought...”

“You see, I thought so, too. But these Hydra bastards are tricky. There was a hidden mechanism connecting the first bomb to another one. So the moment I would defuse the obvious one, the other would explode. And I fell right onto that trap.”

“The-the bomb exploded? H-How are you even alive?” Steve panicked.

“I tried to run away from the bomb. Of course, I wasn’t fast enough. I was too close to the explosion and even though I was in the suit, I was... well, I injured badly.”

“How badly are we talking about?” The worry in his voice was prominent.

“I may have broken a couple of bones and ughh... my back.” He muttered.

“What? How are you even alive? Oh my god Tony are you paralyzed?”

“Calm down, Winghead. I was in a medical induced coma. They weren’t sure I was going to make it. But thank god my Rhodey bear thought of Extremis.”

“Extremis? Wasn’t that a serum that made people explode???” He asked incredulously.

“Ugh not exactly. You see, after the incident with Pepper, I perfected the formula.” Tony explained.

“What is it exactly?” He sounded more curious than mad.

“It’s basically a bunch of nanities that help the body regenerate from physical damages to put it simply. I can also make my suit appear on top of my skin using only my mind.”

“So your suit is like stored in your bones through nanities?”

“Kind of, yes.”

“That sounds worrying.” He said dryly.

“It’s not! Extremis makes sure I’m in peak physical and mental health. It also erased all my scars, thank God.”

“Tony, your scars were nothing to be ashamed of.” Steve replied softly. “You look beautiful with or without them.”

He could feel the back of his neck burning.

“Anyways, point is I am fine, now. I’m staying a couple more days in the hospital though to regain my strength as Extremis needed a lot of power to be put into effect.” He changed the subject.

“I’m glad you’re okay, Shellhead. I was so worried.” Steve replied, his voice breaking.

Then he heard a small sob from across the line followed by more.

“Steve?” He said carefully. “It’s okay, I’m okay.”

Silence followed for a couple of minutes. Only the sounds of Steve’s sniffles and Tony’s soothing words could be heard when the blond finally spoke,

“I never got to say it back.” His voice sounded so pained.

“Wh-ohhh Steve, you don’t have to. I didn’t say it to pressure you or anything.”

Steve huffed out a watery laugh.

“I love you so much, Tony. You have no idea. The thought of you being gone tore a part of my heart. You’re the best thing this century has offered to me.” He said sincerely.

The genius only realized he was smiling widely when his cheeks started hurting. He felt like his heart was going to burst. If he could go to Steve at that second, he would.

“I’m so in love with you, Steve Rogers.” He admitted. “Falling in love with you was as natural for me as breathing. And sometimes I hated it, ‘cause you broke my heart, but honestly, I wouldn’t have it any other way. Because it brought me right to this moment.”

“I realized how much I truly love you after the fight in Siberia. Well, somewhere inside me indicated I knew all along. I was fascinated by you even when we met for the first time.”

“Thought you hated me back then.” He teased.

“I could never hate you. Even though you frustrated me non stop. But when you went through thatwormhole, I just knew you were special.”

“Well, there’s not much for me to say, you already know I had a huge crush on you when I was a kid.”

“I thought you hated me when you were younger.” He asked confused.

“I did when I grew a little older, because Howard always compared me to you. But before that, let’s say I was more than a little whipped.”

“Oh really?” He asked suggestively.

“Yeah, your posters made excellent spank material.” The genius replied bluntly.

“Tony!” Steve replied scandalized. The genius tried to stifle a laugh so he wouldn’t wake the kid up. _God, he loved making Steve all flustered._

“What? I’m trying to be romantic here.” He replied sheepishly.

“That’s your idea on romance?” He asked incredulously.

“Welcome to the 21st century, darling.” He said and yawned. He tried to stifle it, but of course the super soldier had heard.

“Maybe you should get some rest, Shellhead.” He said softly.

“No no I’m fine.” Another yawn. “I’d rather talk to you.”

“I’m gonna be here when you wake up, you idiot. Now get some rest. God knows how much you need it.”

Tony hummed tiredly while placing his pillow on the mattress again and laying on the bed. He laid on his side and placed the flip phone next to his face.

“I’m leaving for my next destination soon, anyway.”

“Will you call me when you get there?”

“Well, I’m going to call you tomorrow considering it’s night right now I’m New York and I need you to get a good night’s sleep.”

“Okay mother.” He teased. After a second he added, “Today felt like a dream.”

“It really did.” The blond admitted, his voice sounded like he was smiling. “I love you so much, sweetheart.”

“I love you, too.” Tony whispered and ended the call.

He fell asleep thinking of a certain blond lying in the hospital bed next to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be honest I don’t like Extremis per say but it was the only way for everything to make sense. I used my knowledge on it but I may have made some mistakes. I am not really gonna explore into it though.


	15. 11 months and 28 days

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These days have been kinda bad for me but posting always makes me feel better so here you go  
> Btw I’m pretty sure Steve has mentioned his beard before but I really can’t remember when soooo let’s pretend he hasn’t oops

Eleven months and twenty eight days. A day since he professed his love to Tony.

_God, it still felt like a dream_.

When they started talking on the phone, Steve only could ever hope for a friendship with the man and now... now it could be something more.

Even though he was hopeful he knew that their mutual affection didn’t change the past and it certainly didn’t mean Tony would want to be with him. _He was a fugitive for God’s shake._

Despite everything, he couldn’t help but smile at the thought of the previous night.

“Hey punk are you gonna get out of the car or will you keep daydreaming about your boyfriend?” His best friend punched him lightly in the arm and got him out of his daze.

“Sod off, Buck.” he replied as he opened the car door and proceeded to get out. “And he’s not my boyfriend.” he muttered.

“Yeah you’re a couple of enemies that just happen to be in love with each other.” his voice dripped in sarcasm as he got out of the vehicle as well.

“Where are the others?” The blond said as he looked around. They were parked near a gas station just outside of the borders.

“Sam needed to pee, Wanda and Nat went to buy a map of Mexico City from the tourist shop while you were fantasizing about your sweetheart.” He said mockingly.

Steve felt his cheeks flush. “I didn’t fantasize anything.” he muttered. _And even if he did, Bucky didn’t need to know._

“Whatever you say, Stevie. Oh and when the others are done we’re going to grab something to eat from that diner.” He pointed to an old restaurant on the other side of the road.

“Ugh actually... I’m gonna stay a little in a car while y’all go eat.”

“Let me guess... you need to make a phone call?”

“Maybe...” he admitted.

“Go do your thing, love bird.” He patted his friend in the back and left for the tourist shop.

Steve huffed a breath and got in the car once again. _God, it was good to have Bucky back._ His friend may not be the same person anymore, but he remembered stuff about his past, _their past_ and sometimes it felt like nothing had ever changed.

As he closed the car door, he took out his flip phone. It had to be morning in New York at that moment. He dialed the number and waited.

One ring.

“You called, thank god. I was afraid last night was just a dream.”

Steve laughed softly. “No no, all true, I promise.”

“Good.”

“Did you sleep well? Are you feeling better? Does Extremis have any side effects on you?” he fretted.

“Calm down, mother. I’m fine. And no, I’m not spitting fire if that’s what you mean.” His voice dropped with sarcasm.

“I’m sorry, I’m just worried about you.” he said in a small voice and pouted.

“I know, I know... I’m great, really. I’m leaving tomorrow morning. Rhodey and Peter will come get me.”

“That’s great, but... who’s Peter?” He asked confused.

“Ohhh yeah remember that kid at the airport? Spiderman? His name is Peter Parker and he’s fifteen. He goes to high school, but he also does some avenging, so I update his suit and help him train and stuff. He has so much potential it’s unbelievable.” He replied.

“That’s wonderful, Tony. However... ugh don’t you think you shouldn’t have told me? I mean his whole secret identity and stuff.” He said awkwardly.

“Are you gonna announce his name to the public?”

“Of course not!” He almost shouted. He would _never_ do that to that poor child.

“See? I trust you, you idiot.” the genius said fondly.

Steve could feel his heart beating faster. _Tony trusted him again._ He would never get used to that.

He didn’t even think before he blurted, “God, I wanna kiss you so bad right now.”

Tony huffed out a fond laugh out of the suddenness of it.

“I hope it wasn’t the conversation about the fifteen year old that turned you on.” He teased.

“Tony!” He said embarrassed. “It’s just... you. I miss you so much.”

“I know, Winghead. Me too.” He replied softly.

“So, where are you exploring now, Dora?” he added.

Steve felt proud of himself that he understood that reference.

“As if you can’t ask FRIDAY.” he replied knowingly.

“Actually I can locate you on my own now.” The genius bragged.

“Because of the nanities?”

“Exactly!” He said excitedly.

“Well, I’m currently in Mexico and...”

He didn’t know whether he should tell Tony, but he really didn’t want to keep any secrets anymore.

“And?” The genius pressed on.

“And Bucky is with us now.” He said lamely.

“Oh... okay? I mean that’s great, especially if that means he’s doing better, but... ugh does that change anything between us?” He sounded rather worried. “Now that Barnes is back in your life I mean?”

“What? No, of course not.” The blond blurted out immediately. _That was ridiculous._ _Was Tony jealous of Bucky?_

“Shellhead, I’m in love with you and that doesn’t have to do anything with Bucky. It’s just... considering your past ugh differences, you don’t mind me talking about him?”

“I was mad at him for a long time. I knew deep down that he hadn’t done anything wrong; it’s just that I felt the need to put the blame on someone, you know? But time helps healing and now I definitely don’t hold him accountable for what happened. So you can talk about him all you want, unless it’s about your secret love or something.”

“Tony! He’s like a brother to me, _god no_.” He exclaimed. “But... I’m really glad you’re okay with him.” He added softly.

“So, how come he’s not in Wakanda?” The genius inquired.

“Well, the biggest part of his treatment is over, so princess Shuri thought it would be helpful for him to take a break, see the world, try to remember through emotive experience.”

“God, that girl is so smart.” Tony muttered to himself. And then told Steve, “Yeah that makes sense. How is he doing?”

“He remembers a lot; maybe more as glimpses and facts, but it’s still something to hold onto. I know he’s not the same person, but sometimes it feels like we’re back in the 40s, you know?” He felt a pang in his heart at the thought.

“He’s also making fun of my beard, so I think some of that old Bucky is still here.” He added in a more humorous tone.

“Your beard?”

“Yeah he says I look like a lumberjack.” He huffed fondly.

“Wait a damn minute, Rogers. YOU HAVE A BEARD AND YOU DIDN’T TELL ME?” He practically shouted.

“Uhhh yes?” The blond replied confused and instinctively touched his cheeks. “I thought you’d probably already seen it through security cameras and stuff while tracking our location.”

“Well, I didn’t!” He exclaimed.

Steve didn’t really get why Tony was so shocked. Why did the beard even matter? “I’m thinking about shaving it anyway.”

“Oh don’t you dare.”

“I didn’t know you were that passionate about facial hair.” He laughed.

“Not just any facial hair!You have to send me a photo.” He gasped in excitement.

“I’m pretty sure I can’t do that with the flip phone?” The blond replied.

“Then use your actual your actual phone, you idiot!”

“Okay okay...” He smiled while shaking his head and dug out his actual phone from the pocket of his jacket.

“Doesn’t me using my actual phone defeat the purpose of using the flip phones? The whole secrecy thing?” He asked while turning it on.

“Oh you shouldn’t worry about that anymore.” Tony replies nonchalantly and when Steve hummed in question, he added “I’ll explain later I promise. Now my photo!”

“Gimme a sec.” He placed the flip phone in the seat next to him and proceeded to take a selfie and send it to Tony.

There were a couple of seconds of silence, so Steve presumed the other man was looking at his poorly taken photo.

“Oh my god. Looking this good should be a crime, Rogers.”

And even though he could feel his cheeks burning, he managed to reply “Then you must be a criminal, Stark.”

“Since when did you become such a flirt?” The genius asked fondly.

“I think you may be rubbing off on me.”

“I wish I were.” He teased. “Speaking of...”

“Tony!” Steve cut him off to scold him.

“No grandpa, I didn’t mean that.” He huffed out a laugh. “Although I’m game if you are.” He muttered and Steve could feel a wave of arousal low in his belly.

“But what I meant to say is that you and the rest of the resistance are always welcome to stay in the new compound.”

Steve could feel his heart pounding in his ears. “Wait really? But how? We’re basically criminals.”

“Yeah well... about that” he started sheepishly.

“I may or may have not pulled some strings and reached a different compromise with the board. We’re still going to have a board to control our most important decisions, but we will be the ones to choose the board members and in case of a big emergency or if the board doesn’t decide fast enough, we are legally allowed to follow our own plan. Also masked superheroes can keep their identities a secret.”

It might not have been 100% what Steve wanted, but he was willing to compromise considering the new rules actually seemed fair.

“God Tony, that’s amazing. Thank you so much.” He could feel his throat closing up.

“Oh it’s nothing, don’t worry about it.” He said nonchalantly.

“It’s not nothing and you know how I know that? Because I know you. I know the board is a bunch of old douchebags that won’t change their minds, but still you were determined enough to try all this time and make it better. You gained for us more control and more than I could have ever wished for. So when I say thank you I really mean it.”

Tony didn’t say anything for a moment. He drew a sharp breath and replied softly “Then your welcome, Captain.”

“Ugh anyway, point is, you can all swing by the compound whenever you wish. O-or you don’t even have to come to the compound if you don’t want to; you just don’t need to hide anymore, you know.” He continued hastily.

“We can really come live in the compound?” Steve said in awe, still not really comprehending what was happening.

“Ugh yeah I told you the law-“

“No” He cut the genius off. “I mean you would let us stay with you? After everything that happened?” He said in a small voice.

“Look, Cap. I have forgiven you as you probably know, told you Barnes is fine, Nat was always more than welcome even though she’s a little traitor, Sam seems cool and although I’m not very fond of Maximoff I don’t mind her staying as she’s the only one that makes Vision actually happy.” Tony explained.

“Wow... I... I will talk to them and-and we’ll see I guess.”

“Good... good.” The genius replied in thought. “So would you want to-“ another voice in the background cut him off.

“Oh Pepper, light of my life!” He exclaimed jokingly and then turned his attention back to Steve. “Sorry, Steve, Pep’s here to visit.”

“Don’t worry about it; I gotta join the others for dinner anyway.”

“I’ll call you tomorrow okay?”

“That would be great, I love you.” He replied softly.

“Love you too, darling, bye!” The genius said and hung up. Steve could feel his heart melting again at the thought that Tony loves him.

With a plan newly formed in his mind, he got out of the car and walked towards the diner. When he got in the old restaurant, he found the table where his friends were eating and stopped in front of it.

“Hey Steve, saved you a plate.” Sam said and pointed at a plate of bacon and eggs next to him.

“I’m afraid we don’t have time to lose.” He said in his ‘Captain voice’ and suddenly everyone was alert.

The way everyone silently got up, paid for the food, left the diner and got in the car, showed the trust they had for their leader.

Steve sat in the front seat, so he could handle the steering wheel.

As he started driving away from the diner, Bucky asked “Where to, Cap?”

“Home.”


	16. 1 year

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story has finally come to its end. I started posting a year ago, I lost my beta so I stopped, but couple of weeks ago I realized how much joy this story had brought me, so I had to post everything else. Thank you so much for following this journey and supporting my fic by leaving kudos and comments, yall really made my days better<3 Hope you enjoy the last chapter!

A year. It’s been a whole year since Tony last saw Steve at that bunker in Siberia.

They say a year changes a lot and that is most probably accurate in Tony’s case. If anyone mentioned Steve to him a year ago, he would have felt disgusted and betrayed at the very least. If anyone had suggested the concept of him and Steve being in love with each other? He probably would have laughed.

Now though, the thought of the blond warmed his heart and made him smile silly. Now all he could think was finally meeting his love again, kissing him, holding him.

But that wouldn’t happen. Because he had scared Steve away; that _had_ to be it. 

Otherwise _why wouldn’t Steve pick up his calls the previous day?_ He called once in the morning and when the blond didn’t reply, he assumed he was busy. Maybe he was driving. But then he called twice at night and he still didn’t get an answer.

So, he went to his workshop and spent the night working out the kinks of Extremis and perfecting his Captain’s new shield. He hadn’t even noticed when lunch time passed, busy with ignoring Pepper’s calls.

The only phone he actually checked was the flip phone he had placed on the table next to his work, looking at it every 15 minutes, waiting for a call that was never going to come.

He currently sat at his stool looking blankly at the schematics for a suit for Wilson, while thinking where he went wrong.

He had Steve for less than five days _goddammit_ and he still managed to lose him. _This had to be a world record or something,_ he thought bitterly.

_ He shouldn’t have told him about the new Accords, he should have waited for the actual documents to be published formally. _

_ Why did he invite him to come back? He might as well have begged for some love. Of course Steve was satisfied traveling with his team, his family, why would he want to stay confined in a stupid compound? He even had Barnes; there was no reason for him to return. _

_ And even if he wanted to pursue something with Tony, he wouldn’t want things to progress so fast. They had hardly talked about their so proclaimed feelings. Even if Steve loved him, that doesn’t mean he actually wanted to pursue a relationship with him. _

_ God, he wanted to hit his head in the wall. He was so stupid. That’s what he always did; he pushed and he pushed without considering what the other person might want. _

Now he was back to square one. Or worse. _What if Steve didn’t want to speak to him ever again?_

The rational part of his brain knew he was panicking for no reason. There were several reasons why the blond didn’t pick up his calls. Maybe something had went wrong in a mission.

The thought of Steve being hurt in a mission though felt immensely worse than breaking his own heart.

It was late afternoon when FRIDAY announced, “Sir-“

“I told you not to disturb me, FRI.” He abruptly got out of his daze.

“I am aware, but you have a visitor.” The AI explained.

Tony could already feel a headache forming. He certainly was in no mood to accept guests.

“Tell them to wait.” He said and tried to tune in back to his thoughts.

“Sir-“

“What!” He snapped and his hands hit the workbench with force.

“Under you instructions, I already gave him access to the workshop.”

“Why would you-“ He started saying while turning around, but the words fell dry on his lips.

He blinked a few times, because _that wasn’t possible, he had to be dreaming._

But there he was, standing in the doorway of the workshop, duffel bag in hand and a smile brighter than the sun.

He got up from his stool and took a step forward. “Steve?” He said softly.

He didn’t even notice who moved first. All he could remember was Steve dropping his duffel bag and grabbing him by the waist, while Tony threaded his fingers through the blonds hair, his beard scraping the genius’ face while they kissed.

Their mouths moved in perfect sync as if they have been doing this their whole lives. At first they kissed as if their lives depended on it, but as time passed, it subsided to small pecks until Steve had planted a kiss on every part of Tony’s face, while the shorter man regained his breath.

For a while they just rested their foreheads against each other beaming like lovesick fools. Tony was the one to break the silence.

“Thank God you didn’t shave the beard.” He ran his hands through the other man’s jaw. 

Steve chuckled softly, “I’m glad you like it.”

The genius pulled away, Steve still holding him by the waist, so he could look better into the blond’s eyes.

“I thought I had scared you away.” He admitted. 

When the Captain gave him a confused look, he added “By suggesting you come back. Then you didn’t reply to my calls, so I thought that was it, you know? I mean you never told me you explicitly want a relationship with me and I don’t want to push you into something you don’t-“

“ _Tony..._ ” the taller man cut him off by cupping his face. “I love you. I love you so much I feel like my heart is going to burst. So much it scares me. So much I would die for you without a second thought.”

“You’d do that for anyone.” The brunette interjected and Steve huffed out chuckle.

“ _God_ , Tony. You have no idea how special you are. You are extraordinary in the best possible way. You’re used to people telling you how smart you are and even though I agree, that’s not your best feature, Shellhead; that’s your heart. Your beautiful heart that never stops giving, even when it hurts you. You’re the bravest, kindest person I know and I would do anything for you.” 

Tony could feel tears threatening to spill from his eyes. From the soft look Steve gave him, he probably saw them too.

“So you’re staying?” He asked in a small voice.

“Of course I’m staying. And the others are actually waiting outside the compound for your permission to come in.”

Tony huffed out a wet laugh. “FRIDAY, tell the idiots to come in and show them to their rooms.” He ordered.

“God, this feels like a dream.” The blond exclaimed. “I can’t believed life led us up to this moment. But honestly... I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Tony closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When he exhaled, he opened them and looking directly into Steve’s blues at that moment he just knew.

“You were right that day, when I was dealing with the bomb. Everything does happen for a reason. Maybe you were always meant to become Captain America and get frozen in the ice and I was always meant to almost die in Afghanistan and become Iron Man. Maybe we were always meant to join the Avengers, to fight one way or another. If any of these events in our lives hadn’t happened, we wouldn’t be here right now. Together.

And maybe... maybe humans are only halves. Spending our wholes lives searching for someone to make us feel complete, to love us. Maybe we do spend our lives being lost. But I don’t need to worry anymore, ‘cause I have just been found.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed this! Leave kudos and a comment if you want <3


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